"Defiant Child?" trumpets the half-page ad in my weekend newspaper'vs magazine section, offering help to change your kid's attitude and take back control of your family.
I had a defiant child once. I overheard her having a telephone conversation with her best friend. It went something like this: "When they say 'no', you should say 'why not?' When they tell you, you should say, 'that's not a good reason.'"
Many parents believe that the best way to teach children to be successful is to teach them to obey. Anything less than that is seen as a serious problem, and leads to taking steps to control such a "defiant child." The child gets angry and either escalates the fight or caves in to the control and the anger goes underground.
Other parents feel completely helpless in the face of a child's opposition. These parents are the ones who cave in after making only a half-hearted, ineffective stab at controlling their rebellious youngster. These kids keep pushing, secretly hoping for the relief of boundaries to keep them safe, while vehemently protesting any attempt to impose limits on their behavior.
I had been leaning in the over-control direction until I learned a better way. My daughter's anger had turned into sweetly agreeing to do whatever she was told to do and then doing absolutely nothing about keeping her agreement. And driving me crazy!
The important secret I learned was to teach her how to argue with me. The telephone conversation was her simply passing this information along to her friend (in a somewhat modified form). Fortunately, we all survived and she now has children of her own.
What too few parents realize is that all healthy school-age children are sometimes rebellious and oppositional - for a very important developmental reason. They need to learn to think for themselves in order to learn to take responsibility for themselves as they mature.
Believe it or not, arguing is the best method to learn thinking skills. No, not repeating the same "Why not?" "Because I said so!" scenario. You need to model explaining the reasons for your position and help your child explain the reasons why she or he wants a different outcome.
This can be a challenge for a mom or dad who avoids confrontation or negotiation because s/he has never had the opportunity to learn or practice this kind of argument. You can learn, though: just expand the directions my daughter was giving to her friend.
Instead of insisting that your child follow your rule without thinking about it, help him or her to understand why you think the rule is important. LISTEN to your child's counter-argument. Ask questions about it. Take time to talk about it. Imagine possible outcomes by asking "What if" questions.
Be willing to change your position if your child's argument is convincing, and if health and/or safety aren't at risk. And be willing to take a stand and insist that your child do it your way if you still feel strongly about it.
The process of having the argument is more important than the outcome.
Helping kids learn this skill before they reach adolescence increases the odds that they'll think about what their friends are pressuring them to do. When they practice thinking about the outcome of their choices now, they are better prepared to make healthy decisions for themselves later.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Understanding your fear - About Stress
Stress and the effects of stress are all part of modern life, however sometimes we confuse being busy with being stressed. Sometimes there isn't enough time in the day to complete the routine tasks of life and we have to prioritize what we do in both work and our domestic lives. When we perform minor tasks at the expense of the more important ones we get an increasing sense of urgency and inability to do them. Our mind tells us that we have done the wrong things. Stress however is not caused by doing the wrong things; stress is caused by our perception of the time available to do the things we have to do.
A definition used for pilots in their training regarding stress is as follows;
Stress is the difference between the perceived task and our perceived ability to perform the task.
You will see that this definition does not include any reference to the importance of what we do.
For instance the reason that traffic jams are so stressful to some people is that the perceived task i.e. getting to work on time versus the ability to get there on time is in conflict and out of one's control.
However if each morning you were escorted to work by a police car with its flashing lights and sirens going then your perceived ability to get to work on time would be fairly high and therefore your stress levels would come down.
Anyone who suffers from a fear of flying suffers considerable stress because the task of getting on a plane and flying away compared with ability to perform that task is almost non-existent. This causes very high levels of stress, which affect many aspects of our cognitive (thinking) processes. The first step to reduce stress levels it is to set realizable outcomes. You should set your expectations to something that you can realistically achieve, and then when you enjoy success you can raise your expectations gradually until you meet your required outcome.
Clearly if you have a fear of flying, you cannot expect to fly as happily as the crew do. Perhaps it would be more realistic to expect to be very anxious generally. Why not concentrate on a small part of the flight where your anxiety can be reduced. Perhaps your first task might be to walk around in the cabin or to let go of the armrests for a few moments; start with something simple, congratulate yourself, then set new targets.
The mind is open to all sorts of negative thoughts when stressed. A fearful flyer not only suffers the overall stress of flying but also to additional stresses like turbulence or being in an enclosed space.
If you change your perceived task, youll increase your chances of your perceived ability to do it. Then you will be in a better state to apply a working strategy. And a working strategy should be your immediate goal.
Here is something that could help.
If you aim to climb a mountain, then you will succeed only when you reach the summit. If however you aim to get as far up the mountain as you can, then each time you try youll succeed. This is not a question of setting low standards or aspirations its setting realistic ones. After all overcoming your fear is not a competition, theres no winning or losing there is only succeeding.
A definition used for pilots in their training regarding stress is as follows;
Stress is the difference between the perceived task and our perceived ability to perform the task.
You will see that this definition does not include any reference to the importance of what we do.
For instance the reason that traffic jams are so stressful to some people is that the perceived task i.e. getting to work on time versus the ability to get there on time is in conflict and out of one's control.
However if each morning you were escorted to work by a police car with its flashing lights and sirens going then your perceived ability to get to work on time would be fairly high and therefore your stress levels would come down.
Anyone who suffers from a fear of flying suffers considerable stress because the task of getting on a plane and flying away compared with ability to perform that task is almost non-existent. This causes very high levels of stress, which affect many aspects of our cognitive (thinking) processes. The first step to reduce stress levels it is to set realizable outcomes. You should set your expectations to something that you can realistically achieve, and then when you enjoy success you can raise your expectations gradually until you meet your required outcome.
Clearly if you have a fear of flying, you cannot expect to fly as happily as the crew do. Perhaps it would be more realistic to expect to be very anxious generally. Why not concentrate on a small part of the flight where your anxiety can be reduced. Perhaps your first task might be to walk around in the cabin or to let go of the armrests for a few moments; start with something simple, congratulate yourself, then set new targets.
The mind is open to all sorts of negative thoughts when stressed. A fearful flyer not only suffers the overall stress of flying but also to additional stresses like turbulence or being in an enclosed space.
If you change your perceived task, youll increase your chances of your perceived ability to do it. Then you will be in a better state to apply a working strategy. And a working strategy should be your immediate goal.
Here is something that could help.
If you aim to climb a mountain, then you will succeed only when you reach the summit. If however you aim to get as far up the mountain as you can, then each time you try youll succeed. This is not a question of setting low standards or aspirations its setting realistic ones. After all overcoming your fear is not a competition, theres no winning or losing there is only succeeding.
The Educational Goal Of Psychology
Psychology is the study of behavior. Educational psychology is the study of teachers, students, educational curriculums and training methods. It provides a database of facts. It also develops generalizations to be applied in the classroom. Educational psychology is also called applied psychology.
The main objective of the educational psychology is to help the teachers in teaching the students. However, there are certain benefits that you can get as a teacher:
1. You can develop certain convictions with the help of educational psychology to promote your students' mental growth, improve their learning process and develop their personalities. You can also help them in their social behaviors.
2. You can define and set-up education objectives of your students in terms of their conducts, attitudes and behaviors. When you have a clear picture of your refined goals and objectives, you can develop a befitting curriculum besides improving your teaching methods.
3. The educational psychology is not a one-way traffic. Being a teacher, you can solve your own behavioral problems as well. You can develop a certain level of sympathy and objectivity with the problems of your students to get the best results.
4. You can achieve better understanding of behaviors of your students. You can make them realize importance of social relationships and improve their social confidence, their participation in groups and cooperativeness.
5. You can analyze your collected data and use the generalized convictions in handling certain educational situations such as selection of instruction material, structure of teaching methods and development of desired outcomes. The instruction modules should be developed in a way that the instruction material and the teaching methods should not obstruct the learning process.
6. You can develop a better perspective for judging both the results of your own teachings and the educational practices of your colleagues. The educational psychology provides a background to handle intricacies involved in teaching of children. It helps you to develop a scientific, objective and problem solving mindset towards the learning process.
7. You can analyze behaviors of your students and find solid ways for normal adjustment and personality development. The educational psychology also helps you to set up and define progressive teaching education. You can develop guidance programs and functional formats for organizational and administrative matters.
8. A scientific usage of the educational psychology can also help you to solve certain clinical problems such as reading disability, stammering, chronic offensive attitudes and emotional disturbance. However, it is advisable to consult professional psychiatrist in severe cases.
Educational psychology offers ways to study student behavior and handle educational problems. Research has shown that educational psychology can help teachers achieve their educational goals.
The main objective of the educational psychology is to help the teachers in teaching the students. However, there are certain benefits that you can get as a teacher:
1. You can develop certain convictions with the help of educational psychology to promote your students' mental growth, improve their learning process and develop their personalities. You can also help them in their social behaviors.
2. You can define and set-up education objectives of your students in terms of their conducts, attitudes and behaviors. When you have a clear picture of your refined goals and objectives, you can develop a befitting curriculum besides improving your teaching methods.
3. The educational psychology is not a one-way traffic. Being a teacher, you can solve your own behavioral problems as well. You can develop a certain level of sympathy and objectivity with the problems of your students to get the best results.
4. You can achieve better understanding of behaviors of your students. You can make them realize importance of social relationships and improve their social confidence, their participation in groups and cooperativeness.
5. You can analyze your collected data and use the generalized convictions in handling certain educational situations such as selection of instruction material, structure of teaching methods and development of desired outcomes. The instruction modules should be developed in a way that the instruction material and the teaching methods should not obstruct the learning process.
6. You can develop a better perspective for judging both the results of your own teachings and the educational practices of your colleagues. The educational psychology provides a background to handle intricacies involved in teaching of children. It helps you to develop a scientific, objective and problem solving mindset towards the learning process.
7. You can analyze behaviors of your students and find solid ways for normal adjustment and personality development. The educational psychology also helps you to set up and define progressive teaching education. You can develop guidance programs and functional formats for organizational and administrative matters.
8. A scientific usage of the educational psychology can also help you to solve certain clinical problems such as reading disability, stammering, chronic offensive attitudes and emotional disturbance. However, it is advisable to consult professional psychiatrist in severe cases.
Educational psychology offers ways to study student behavior and handle educational problems. Research has shown that educational psychology can help teachers achieve their educational goals.
Who Is That In The Mirror?
Every time I look in the mirror now, I wonder "Who is that in the mirror"? It appears to be a total stranger. There is this white haired, overweight, women who has appeared to have lost that glow of youth.
When I am not looking in the mirror, I feel no different than I did 25 years ago. I still feel like that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. My dreams are still the same dreams. I still harbor hope for a better life for myself and my children. I still do not know what the future is going to bring to me. I surely am not ready for a rocking chair yet!
My physical package has changed but my inner self is still new and thirsty for life's pleasures and challenges when the dawn brings in a new day. I am still not finished with me yet. There are so many things I want to know. I have a long way to go to accomplish my dreams. Life is passing by so quickly. Each day seems to fly by faster than the day before.
Is my mirror a reflection of me, or maybe just a forewarning not to take every moment for granite?
When you are young time is forever, but as you grow older time passes so quickly. When you figure the average American lives 77 years, then I only have approximately 20 years left to complete myself. That is a pretty sobering fact when you figure for 57 years have already passed by and I am far from completion. By my calculations I need another 50 years to maybe be satisfied or completed with me.
We are always told to take time to smell the roses, or embrace the moment. Just do not embrace for to long, or get lost in the rose garden because before you know it you are looking in the mirror wondering who that is.
Maybe we should live more by the philosophy,"make hay while the sun shines".
Who is that in the mirror? It is me! It is a person who has worked hard at making necessary changes in her life to become a better life. It is a person who has overcome drug and alcohol abuse, spouse abuse and a major life threatening eating disorder.
No the person in the mirror has not amassed wealth or made any great contributions to society, but today I am a person who has a sense of personal value. Today my children and husband have a different respect for me and value me differently. Today I am new.
So when I am looking in the mirror today, I am looking at a stranger. I have worked hard to be different and better. Now I need to get to know me, because I am no longer that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. That is the person I worked so hard not to be anymore. Today my beauty is inner.
When I am not looking in the mirror, I feel no different than I did 25 years ago. I still feel like that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. My dreams are still the same dreams. I still harbor hope for a better life for myself and my children. I still do not know what the future is going to bring to me. I surely am not ready for a rocking chair yet!
My physical package has changed but my inner self is still new and thirsty for life's pleasures and challenges when the dawn brings in a new day. I am still not finished with me yet. There are so many things I want to know. I have a long way to go to accomplish my dreams. Life is passing by so quickly. Each day seems to fly by faster than the day before.
Is my mirror a reflection of me, or maybe just a forewarning not to take every moment for granite?
When you are young time is forever, but as you grow older time passes so quickly. When you figure the average American lives 77 years, then I only have approximately 20 years left to complete myself. That is a pretty sobering fact when you figure for 57 years have already passed by and I am far from completion. By my calculations I need another 50 years to maybe be satisfied or completed with me.
We are always told to take time to smell the roses, or embrace the moment. Just do not embrace for to long, or get lost in the rose garden because before you know it you are looking in the mirror wondering who that is.
Maybe we should live more by the philosophy,"make hay while the sun shines".
Who is that in the mirror? It is me! It is a person who has worked hard at making necessary changes in her life to become a better life. It is a person who has overcome drug and alcohol abuse, spouse abuse and a major life threatening eating disorder.
No the person in the mirror has not amassed wealth or made any great contributions to society, but today I am a person who has a sense of personal value. Today my children and husband have a different respect for me and value me differently. Today I am new.
So when I am looking in the mirror today, I am looking at a stranger. I have worked hard to be different and better. Now I need to get to know me, because I am no longer that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. That is the person I worked so hard not to be anymore. Today my beauty is inner.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Why Advice Giving Is Not Advisable
Often in our interactions with family and friends, problems being encountered would inevitably be brought up. Inevitably too, in trying to be helpful, we often react by giving advice on how to solve the problem.
However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons:
We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person's point of view.
We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person.
We get 'credit' for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent.
When we give advice, we're talking 'down' to the other person as we become the 'expert'. We're so eager to talk and show our knowledge and 'wisdom' that we do not interact at an 'equal' level with the other person. We take on the position of 'expert' and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us.
We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person.
We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate.
Example of Advice Giving:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: Hmm… I'm always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A's problems)
A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I've been very busy with work recently and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise.
A: I'd be miserable. Don't know what I'd do without her.
B: You'll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit)
A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn't seem to work.
B: I don't think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her.
A: I have deadlines to meet.
B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A's dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.)
Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: I'm sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem)
A: I've been really busy with my work and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: Has it always been this way with your work?
A: No, it's these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures….
B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up)
A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I'll send her some flowers afterwards and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions)
B: All the best …
However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons:
We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person's point of view.
We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person.
We get 'credit' for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent.
When we give advice, we're talking 'down' to the other person as we become the 'expert'. We're so eager to talk and show our knowledge and 'wisdom' that we do not interact at an 'equal' level with the other person. We take on the position of 'expert' and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us.
We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person.
We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate.
Example of Advice Giving:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: Hmm… I'm always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A's problems)
A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I've been very busy with work recently and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise.
A: I'd be miserable. Don't know what I'd do without her.
B: You'll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit)
A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn't seem to work.
B: I don't think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her.
A: I have deadlines to meet.
B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A's dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.)
Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: I'm sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem)
A: I've been really busy with my work and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: Has it always been this way with your work?
A: No, it's these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures….
B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up)
A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I'll send her some flowers afterwards and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions)
B: All the best …
You Are Always Beautiful
We think that we lack beauty and live in an imperfect world but that is only because we are not seeing correctly.
Beauty is an act of consciousness. It is an appreciation of color and form in the phenomena of experience.
Your form is always beautiful because it has been created with exquisite craftsmanship. Each cell is a celebration of evolutionary genius.
And, if you look beyond your form, to your mind, then you can only feel a sense of awe and wonder.
Your mind can process trillions of bits of information every second. At this very moment, your mind is orchestrating the exchange of oxygen from your bloodstream to your internal organs while your eyes are busy reading these words and your intellect is busy comprehending them.
All human beings are beautiful because each and every one has arisen from the creative genius of pure consciousness.
And the world itself is a living, moving poem, full of wondrous sights, sounds, and myriad impressions.
The saddest thing of all is how little we appreciate any of it.
Sunrises and sunsets are lost on us, the dew in the morning, and the touch of a lover's hands are all wasted on us. We do not see what is before us or feel what is within us because we are preoccupied with things of the utmost foolishness.
Does it really matter what people think of you? Does it really matter if you did not labor diligently enough to collect more papers with pictures of dead presidents on them? Isn't your true prosperity in being yourself and walking on this earth?
All day long, we spend trivializing things of inestimable value and esteeming things of trivial value.
We pride ourselves on being moral but everywhere we are busy committing the deadly sin of disparaging life and beauty, joy and carefree fulfillment.
You are always beautiful, whether you acknowledge it or not, and this beauty has nothing to do with the artificial standards about the best human forms of color, shape, and height. Your beauty is the very act of creation expressing itself as you.
The only thing more wonderful than being alive is being alive as you. What else is needed? Isn't everything else just a footnote to this beauty, the beauty of consciousness experiencing itself?
The most beautiful thing in creation is you. How long must it take before you lift up your head from your passing troubles and notice it?
Beauty is an act of consciousness. It is an appreciation of color and form in the phenomena of experience.
Your form is always beautiful because it has been created with exquisite craftsmanship. Each cell is a celebration of evolutionary genius.
And, if you look beyond your form, to your mind, then you can only feel a sense of awe and wonder.
Your mind can process trillions of bits of information every second. At this very moment, your mind is orchestrating the exchange of oxygen from your bloodstream to your internal organs while your eyes are busy reading these words and your intellect is busy comprehending them.
All human beings are beautiful because each and every one has arisen from the creative genius of pure consciousness.
And the world itself is a living, moving poem, full of wondrous sights, sounds, and myriad impressions.
The saddest thing of all is how little we appreciate any of it.
Sunrises and sunsets are lost on us, the dew in the morning, and the touch of a lover's hands are all wasted on us. We do not see what is before us or feel what is within us because we are preoccupied with things of the utmost foolishness.
Does it really matter what people think of you? Does it really matter if you did not labor diligently enough to collect more papers with pictures of dead presidents on them? Isn't your true prosperity in being yourself and walking on this earth?
All day long, we spend trivializing things of inestimable value and esteeming things of trivial value.
We pride ourselves on being moral but everywhere we are busy committing the deadly sin of disparaging life and beauty, joy and carefree fulfillment.
You are always beautiful, whether you acknowledge it or not, and this beauty has nothing to do with the artificial standards about the best human forms of color, shape, and height. Your beauty is the very act of creation expressing itself as you.
The only thing more wonderful than being alive is being alive as you. What else is needed? Isn't everything else just a footnote to this beauty, the beauty of consciousness experiencing itself?
The most beautiful thing in creation is you. How long must it take before you lift up your head from your passing troubles and notice it?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Depression from a Spiritual Perspective
This article about the intense subject of depression anticipates two ways of reaction. The question is: Will it be - in your case - shock or relief?
When you read about depression, you will encounter many passages like the following:
"These brain chemicals - in varying amounts - are responsible for our emotional state. Depression happens, when these chemical messages aren't delivered correctly between brain cells, disrupting communication."
What could be probably wrong with that statement?
It is based on the unquestioned belief that human beings are machines. Although this assumption is widespread, it is simply not a fact. Machines are built, operated and cared for by conscious human beings. In an analogous way our body and mind exist because of our existence as conscious beings.
It is not matter, which builds consciousness, but it is consciousness, which forms matter. That is actually our observation everywhere.
The matter of depression must be totally reevaluated from this new perspective. It is not a fact that brain chemicals are responsible for our emotional state, but vice versa. Our emotional state leads to the production of certain chemicals in our brain and body.
Of course there is an interlink between the two planes. Emotional states can definitely be influenced by certain chemical substances. But there is some substantial loss of information, as the "positive" state induced by chemicals cannot be compared with a natural positive state derived from the firm foundation in the conviction that life is wonderful.
Here we have arrived at a crucial point.
Depression is not caused by chemicals in the brain, but rather causes chemicals in the brain. Depression is a state of mind, wherein the affected human being has lost his/her connection to the original quality of life, which is bliss, knowledge and eternity.
Neither will medication help to overcome depression, nor superficial psychological treatment. The only way to help the depression sufferer is by unalloyed love, which is rare in this world. This sort of love will not further push him into the state of a helpless and powerless victim, but will empower him to take his fate into his own hands.
In this way the person suffering with depression will be given the chance to see live from a new perspective. He will learn to love himself despite of any shortcomings, because - by feeling appreciated and loved - he will come to love his real spiritual personality, which is always beyond the polarity of material despair and happiness. When he finds shelter in the ultimate quality of pure consciousness, which is unconditional love, he will feel the natural bliss of life.
Consequently this article ends with a request to doctors and psychologists: Become unconditional lovers! All other cures are temporary, like shifting a hurting heavy weight from one shoulder to the other. If you want to solve the root problem, you have to solve it first and foremost in yourself.
When you read about depression, you will encounter many passages like the following:
"These brain chemicals - in varying amounts - are responsible for our emotional state. Depression happens, when these chemical messages aren't delivered correctly between brain cells, disrupting communication."
What could be probably wrong with that statement?
It is based on the unquestioned belief that human beings are machines. Although this assumption is widespread, it is simply not a fact. Machines are built, operated and cared for by conscious human beings. In an analogous way our body and mind exist because of our existence as conscious beings.
It is not matter, which builds consciousness, but it is consciousness, which forms matter. That is actually our observation everywhere.
The matter of depression must be totally reevaluated from this new perspective. It is not a fact that brain chemicals are responsible for our emotional state, but vice versa. Our emotional state leads to the production of certain chemicals in our brain and body.
Of course there is an interlink between the two planes. Emotional states can definitely be influenced by certain chemical substances. But there is some substantial loss of information, as the "positive" state induced by chemicals cannot be compared with a natural positive state derived from the firm foundation in the conviction that life is wonderful.
Here we have arrived at a crucial point.
Depression is not caused by chemicals in the brain, but rather causes chemicals in the brain. Depression is a state of mind, wherein the affected human being has lost his/her connection to the original quality of life, which is bliss, knowledge and eternity.
Neither will medication help to overcome depression, nor superficial psychological treatment. The only way to help the depression sufferer is by unalloyed love, which is rare in this world. This sort of love will not further push him into the state of a helpless and powerless victim, but will empower him to take his fate into his own hands.
In this way the person suffering with depression will be given the chance to see live from a new perspective. He will learn to love himself despite of any shortcomings, because - by feeling appreciated and loved - he will come to love his real spiritual personality, which is always beyond the polarity of material despair and happiness. When he finds shelter in the ultimate quality of pure consciousness, which is unconditional love, he will feel the natural bliss of life.
Consequently this article ends with a request to doctors and psychologists: Become unconditional lovers! All other cures are temporary, like shifting a hurting heavy weight from one shoulder to the other. If you want to solve the root problem, you have to solve it first and foremost in yourself.
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