"Defiant Child?" trumpets the half-page ad in my weekend newspaper'vs magazine section, offering help to change your kid's attitude and take back control of your family.
I had a defiant child once. I overheard her having a telephone conversation with her best friend. It went something like this: "When they say 'no', you should say 'why not?' When they tell you, you should say, 'that's not a good reason.'"
Many parents believe that the best way to teach children to be successful is to teach them to obey. Anything less than that is seen as a serious problem, and leads to taking steps to control such a "defiant child." The child gets angry and either escalates the fight or caves in to the control and the anger goes underground.
Other parents feel completely helpless in the face of a child's opposition. These parents are the ones who cave in after making only a half-hearted, ineffective stab at controlling their rebellious youngster. These kids keep pushing, secretly hoping for the relief of boundaries to keep them safe, while vehemently protesting any attempt to impose limits on their behavior.
I had been leaning in the over-control direction until I learned a better way. My daughter's anger had turned into sweetly agreeing to do whatever she was told to do and then doing absolutely nothing about keeping her agreement. And driving me crazy!
The important secret I learned was to teach her how to argue with me. The telephone conversation was her simply passing this information along to her friend (in a somewhat modified form). Fortunately, we all survived and she now has children of her own.
What too few parents realize is that all healthy school-age children are sometimes rebellious and oppositional - for a very important developmental reason. They need to learn to think for themselves in order to learn to take responsibility for themselves as they mature.
Believe it or not, arguing is the best method to learn thinking skills. No, not repeating the same "Why not?" "Because I said so!" scenario. You need to model explaining the reasons for your position and help your child explain the reasons why she or he wants a different outcome.
This can be a challenge for a mom or dad who avoids confrontation or negotiation because s/he has never had the opportunity to learn or practice this kind of argument. You can learn, though: just expand the directions my daughter was giving to her friend.
Instead of insisting that your child follow your rule without thinking about it, help him or her to understand why you think the rule is important. LISTEN to your child's counter-argument. Ask questions about it. Take time to talk about it. Imagine possible outcomes by asking "What if" questions.
Be willing to change your position if your child's argument is convincing, and if health and/or safety aren't at risk. And be willing to take a stand and insist that your child do it your way if you still feel strongly about it.
The process of having the argument is more important than the outcome.
Helping kids learn this skill before they reach adolescence increases the odds that they'll think about what their friends are pressuring them to do. When they practice thinking about the outcome of their choices now, they are better prepared to make healthy decisions for themselves later.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Understanding your fear - About Stress
Stress and the effects of stress are all part of modern life, however sometimes we confuse being busy with being stressed. Sometimes there isn't enough time in the day to complete the routine tasks of life and we have to prioritize what we do in both work and our domestic lives. When we perform minor tasks at the expense of the more important ones we get an increasing sense of urgency and inability to do them. Our mind tells us that we have done the wrong things. Stress however is not caused by doing the wrong things; stress is caused by our perception of the time available to do the things we have to do.
A definition used for pilots in their training regarding stress is as follows;
Stress is the difference between the perceived task and our perceived ability to perform the task.
You will see that this definition does not include any reference to the importance of what we do.
For instance the reason that traffic jams are so stressful to some people is that the perceived task i.e. getting to work on time versus the ability to get there on time is in conflict and out of one's control.
However if each morning you were escorted to work by a police car with its flashing lights and sirens going then your perceived ability to get to work on time would be fairly high and therefore your stress levels would come down.
Anyone who suffers from a fear of flying suffers considerable stress because the task of getting on a plane and flying away compared with ability to perform that task is almost non-existent. This causes very high levels of stress, which affect many aspects of our cognitive (thinking) processes. The first step to reduce stress levels it is to set realizable outcomes. You should set your expectations to something that you can realistically achieve, and then when you enjoy success you can raise your expectations gradually until you meet your required outcome.
Clearly if you have a fear of flying, you cannot expect to fly as happily as the crew do. Perhaps it would be more realistic to expect to be very anxious generally. Why not concentrate on a small part of the flight where your anxiety can be reduced. Perhaps your first task might be to walk around in the cabin or to let go of the armrests for a few moments; start with something simple, congratulate yourself, then set new targets.
The mind is open to all sorts of negative thoughts when stressed. A fearful flyer not only suffers the overall stress of flying but also to additional stresses like turbulence or being in an enclosed space.
If you change your perceived task, youll increase your chances of your perceived ability to do it. Then you will be in a better state to apply a working strategy. And a working strategy should be your immediate goal.
Here is something that could help.
If you aim to climb a mountain, then you will succeed only when you reach the summit. If however you aim to get as far up the mountain as you can, then each time you try youll succeed. This is not a question of setting low standards or aspirations its setting realistic ones. After all overcoming your fear is not a competition, theres no winning or losing there is only succeeding.
A definition used for pilots in their training regarding stress is as follows;
Stress is the difference between the perceived task and our perceived ability to perform the task.
You will see that this definition does not include any reference to the importance of what we do.
For instance the reason that traffic jams are so stressful to some people is that the perceived task i.e. getting to work on time versus the ability to get there on time is in conflict and out of one's control.
However if each morning you were escorted to work by a police car with its flashing lights and sirens going then your perceived ability to get to work on time would be fairly high and therefore your stress levels would come down.
Anyone who suffers from a fear of flying suffers considerable stress because the task of getting on a plane and flying away compared with ability to perform that task is almost non-existent. This causes very high levels of stress, which affect many aspects of our cognitive (thinking) processes. The first step to reduce stress levels it is to set realizable outcomes. You should set your expectations to something that you can realistically achieve, and then when you enjoy success you can raise your expectations gradually until you meet your required outcome.
Clearly if you have a fear of flying, you cannot expect to fly as happily as the crew do. Perhaps it would be more realistic to expect to be very anxious generally. Why not concentrate on a small part of the flight where your anxiety can be reduced. Perhaps your first task might be to walk around in the cabin or to let go of the armrests for a few moments; start with something simple, congratulate yourself, then set new targets.
The mind is open to all sorts of negative thoughts when stressed. A fearful flyer not only suffers the overall stress of flying but also to additional stresses like turbulence or being in an enclosed space.
If you change your perceived task, youll increase your chances of your perceived ability to do it. Then you will be in a better state to apply a working strategy. And a working strategy should be your immediate goal.
Here is something that could help.
If you aim to climb a mountain, then you will succeed only when you reach the summit. If however you aim to get as far up the mountain as you can, then each time you try youll succeed. This is not a question of setting low standards or aspirations its setting realistic ones. After all overcoming your fear is not a competition, theres no winning or losing there is only succeeding.
The Educational Goal Of Psychology
Psychology is the study of behavior. Educational psychology is the study of teachers, students, educational curriculums and training methods. It provides a database of facts. It also develops generalizations to be applied in the classroom. Educational psychology is also called applied psychology.
The main objective of the educational psychology is to help the teachers in teaching the students. However, there are certain benefits that you can get as a teacher:
1. You can develop certain convictions with the help of educational psychology to promote your students' mental growth, improve their learning process and develop their personalities. You can also help them in their social behaviors.
2. You can define and set-up education objectives of your students in terms of their conducts, attitudes and behaviors. When you have a clear picture of your refined goals and objectives, you can develop a befitting curriculum besides improving your teaching methods.
3. The educational psychology is not a one-way traffic. Being a teacher, you can solve your own behavioral problems as well. You can develop a certain level of sympathy and objectivity with the problems of your students to get the best results.
4. You can achieve better understanding of behaviors of your students. You can make them realize importance of social relationships and improve their social confidence, their participation in groups and cooperativeness.
5. You can analyze your collected data and use the generalized convictions in handling certain educational situations such as selection of instruction material, structure of teaching methods and development of desired outcomes. The instruction modules should be developed in a way that the instruction material and the teaching methods should not obstruct the learning process.
6. You can develop a better perspective for judging both the results of your own teachings and the educational practices of your colleagues. The educational psychology provides a background to handle intricacies involved in teaching of children. It helps you to develop a scientific, objective and problem solving mindset towards the learning process.
7. You can analyze behaviors of your students and find solid ways for normal adjustment and personality development. The educational psychology also helps you to set up and define progressive teaching education. You can develop guidance programs and functional formats for organizational and administrative matters.
8. A scientific usage of the educational psychology can also help you to solve certain clinical problems such as reading disability, stammering, chronic offensive attitudes and emotional disturbance. However, it is advisable to consult professional psychiatrist in severe cases.
Educational psychology offers ways to study student behavior and handle educational problems. Research has shown that educational psychology can help teachers achieve their educational goals.
The main objective of the educational psychology is to help the teachers in teaching the students. However, there are certain benefits that you can get as a teacher:
1. You can develop certain convictions with the help of educational psychology to promote your students' mental growth, improve their learning process and develop their personalities. You can also help them in their social behaviors.
2. You can define and set-up education objectives of your students in terms of their conducts, attitudes and behaviors. When you have a clear picture of your refined goals and objectives, you can develop a befitting curriculum besides improving your teaching methods.
3. The educational psychology is not a one-way traffic. Being a teacher, you can solve your own behavioral problems as well. You can develop a certain level of sympathy and objectivity with the problems of your students to get the best results.
4. You can achieve better understanding of behaviors of your students. You can make them realize importance of social relationships and improve their social confidence, their participation in groups and cooperativeness.
5. You can analyze your collected data and use the generalized convictions in handling certain educational situations such as selection of instruction material, structure of teaching methods and development of desired outcomes. The instruction modules should be developed in a way that the instruction material and the teaching methods should not obstruct the learning process.
6. You can develop a better perspective for judging both the results of your own teachings and the educational practices of your colleagues. The educational psychology provides a background to handle intricacies involved in teaching of children. It helps you to develop a scientific, objective and problem solving mindset towards the learning process.
7. You can analyze behaviors of your students and find solid ways for normal adjustment and personality development. The educational psychology also helps you to set up and define progressive teaching education. You can develop guidance programs and functional formats for organizational and administrative matters.
8. A scientific usage of the educational psychology can also help you to solve certain clinical problems such as reading disability, stammering, chronic offensive attitudes and emotional disturbance. However, it is advisable to consult professional psychiatrist in severe cases.
Educational psychology offers ways to study student behavior and handle educational problems. Research has shown that educational psychology can help teachers achieve their educational goals.
Who Is That In The Mirror?
Every time I look in the mirror now, I wonder "Who is that in the mirror"? It appears to be a total stranger. There is this white haired, overweight, women who has appeared to have lost that glow of youth.
When I am not looking in the mirror, I feel no different than I did 25 years ago. I still feel like that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. My dreams are still the same dreams. I still harbor hope for a better life for myself and my children. I still do not know what the future is going to bring to me. I surely am not ready for a rocking chair yet!
My physical package has changed but my inner self is still new and thirsty for life's pleasures and challenges when the dawn brings in a new day. I am still not finished with me yet. There are so many things I want to know. I have a long way to go to accomplish my dreams. Life is passing by so quickly. Each day seems to fly by faster than the day before.
Is my mirror a reflection of me, or maybe just a forewarning not to take every moment for granite?
When you are young time is forever, but as you grow older time passes so quickly. When you figure the average American lives 77 years, then I only have approximately 20 years left to complete myself. That is a pretty sobering fact when you figure for 57 years have already passed by and I am far from completion. By my calculations I need another 50 years to maybe be satisfied or completed with me.
We are always told to take time to smell the roses, or embrace the moment. Just do not embrace for to long, or get lost in the rose garden because before you know it you are looking in the mirror wondering who that is.
Maybe we should live more by the philosophy,"make hay while the sun shines".
Who is that in the mirror? It is me! It is a person who has worked hard at making necessary changes in her life to become a better life. It is a person who has overcome drug and alcohol abuse, spouse abuse and a major life threatening eating disorder.
No the person in the mirror has not amassed wealth or made any great contributions to society, but today I am a person who has a sense of personal value. Today my children and husband have a different respect for me and value me differently. Today I am new.
So when I am looking in the mirror today, I am looking at a stranger. I have worked hard to be different and better. Now I need to get to know me, because I am no longer that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. That is the person I worked so hard not to be anymore. Today my beauty is inner.
When I am not looking in the mirror, I feel no different than I did 25 years ago. I still feel like that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. My dreams are still the same dreams. I still harbor hope for a better life for myself and my children. I still do not know what the future is going to bring to me. I surely am not ready for a rocking chair yet!
My physical package has changed but my inner self is still new and thirsty for life's pleasures and challenges when the dawn brings in a new day. I am still not finished with me yet. There are so many things I want to know. I have a long way to go to accomplish my dreams. Life is passing by so quickly. Each day seems to fly by faster than the day before.
Is my mirror a reflection of me, or maybe just a forewarning not to take every moment for granite?
When you are young time is forever, but as you grow older time passes so quickly. When you figure the average American lives 77 years, then I only have approximately 20 years left to complete myself. That is a pretty sobering fact when you figure for 57 years have already passed by and I am far from completion. By my calculations I need another 50 years to maybe be satisfied or completed with me.
We are always told to take time to smell the roses, or embrace the moment. Just do not embrace for to long, or get lost in the rose garden because before you know it you are looking in the mirror wondering who that is.
Maybe we should live more by the philosophy,"make hay while the sun shines".
Who is that in the mirror? It is me! It is a person who has worked hard at making necessary changes in her life to become a better life. It is a person who has overcome drug and alcohol abuse, spouse abuse and a major life threatening eating disorder.
No the person in the mirror has not amassed wealth or made any great contributions to society, but today I am a person who has a sense of personal value. Today my children and husband have a different respect for me and value me differently. Today I am new.
So when I am looking in the mirror today, I am looking at a stranger. I have worked hard to be different and better. Now I need to get to know me, because I am no longer that young woman with the dark auburn hair and olive complexion. That is the person I worked so hard not to be anymore. Today my beauty is inner.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Why Advice Giving Is Not Advisable
Often in our interactions with family and friends, problems being encountered would inevitably be brought up. Inevitably too, in trying to be helpful, we often react by giving advice on how to solve the problem.
However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons:
We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person's point of view.
We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person.
We get 'credit' for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent.
When we give advice, we're talking 'down' to the other person as we become the 'expert'. We're so eager to talk and show our knowledge and 'wisdom' that we do not interact at an 'equal' level with the other person. We take on the position of 'expert' and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us.
We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person.
We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate.
Example of Advice Giving:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: Hmm… I'm always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A's problems)
A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I've been very busy with work recently and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise.
A: I'd be miserable. Don't know what I'd do without her.
B: You'll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit)
A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn't seem to work.
B: I don't think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her.
A: I have deadlines to meet.
B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A's dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.)
Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: I'm sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem)
A: I've been really busy with my work and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: Has it always been this way with your work?
A: No, it's these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures….
B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up)
A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I'll send her some flowers afterwards and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions)
B: All the best …
However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons:
We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person's point of view.
We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person.
We get 'credit' for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent.
When we give advice, we're talking 'down' to the other person as we become the 'expert'. We're so eager to talk and show our knowledge and 'wisdom' that we do not interact at an 'equal' level with the other person. We take on the position of 'expert' and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us.
We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person.
We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate.
Example of Advice Giving:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: Hmm… I'm always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A's problems)
A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I've been very busy with work recently and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise.
A: I'd be miserable. Don't know what I'd do without her.
B: You'll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit)
A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn't seem to work.
B: I don't think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her.
A: I have deadlines to meet.
B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A's dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.)
Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below:
A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.
B: I'm sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem)
A: I've been really busy with my work and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work.
B: Has it always been this way with your work?
A: No, it's these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures….
B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up)
A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I'll send her some flowers afterwards and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions)
B: All the best …
You Are Always Beautiful
We think that we lack beauty and live in an imperfect world but that is only because we are not seeing correctly.
Beauty is an act of consciousness. It is an appreciation of color and form in the phenomena of experience.
Your form is always beautiful because it has been created with exquisite craftsmanship. Each cell is a celebration of evolutionary genius.
And, if you look beyond your form, to your mind, then you can only feel a sense of awe and wonder.
Your mind can process trillions of bits of information every second. At this very moment, your mind is orchestrating the exchange of oxygen from your bloodstream to your internal organs while your eyes are busy reading these words and your intellect is busy comprehending them.
All human beings are beautiful because each and every one has arisen from the creative genius of pure consciousness.
And the world itself is a living, moving poem, full of wondrous sights, sounds, and myriad impressions.
The saddest thing of all is how little we appreciate any of it.
Sunrises and sunsets are lost on us, the dew in the morning, and the touch of a lover's hands are all wasted on us. We do not see what is before us or feel what is within us because we are preoccupied with things of the utmost foolishness.
Does it really matter what people think of you? Does it really matter if you did not labor diligently enough to collect more papers with pictures of dead presidents on them? Isn't your true prosperity in being yourself and walking on this earth?
All day long, we spend trivializing things of inestimable value and esteeming things of trivial value.
We pride ourselves on being moral but everywhere we are busy committing the deadly sin of disparaging life and beauty, joy and carefree fulfillment.
You are always beautiful, whether you acknowledge it or not, and this beauty has nothing to do with the artificial standards about the best human forms of color, shape, and height. Your beauty is the very act of creation expressing itself as you.
The only thing more wonderful than being alive is being alive as you. What else is needed? Isn't everything else just a footnote to this beauty, the beauty of consciousness experiencing itself?
The most beautiful thing in creation is you. How long must it take before you lift up your head from your passing troubles and notice it?
Beauty is an act of consciousness. It is an appreciation of color and form in the phenomena of experience.
Your form is always beautiful because it has been created with exquisite craftsmanship. Each cell is a celebration of evolutionary genius.
And, if you look beyond your form, to your mind, then you can only feel a sense of awe and wonder.
Your mind can process trillions of bits of information every second. At this very moment, your mind is orchestrating the exchange of oxygen from your bloodstream to your internal organs while your eyes are busy reading these words and your intellect is busy comprehending them.
All human beings are beautiful because each and every one has arisen from the creative genius of pure consciousness.
And the world itself is a living, moving poem, full of wondrous sights, sounds, and myriad impressions.
The saddest thing of all is how little we appreciate any of it.
Sunrises and sunsets are lost on us, the dew in the morning, and the touch of a lover's hands are all wasted on us. We do not see what is before us or feel what is within us because we are preoccupied with things of the utmost foolishness.
Does it really matter what people think of you? Does it really matter if you did not labor diligently enough to collect more papers with pictures of dead presidents on them? Isn't your true prosperity in being yourself and walking on this earth?
All day long, we spend trivializing things of inestimable value and esteeming things of trivial value.
We pride ourselves on being moral but everywhere we are busy committing the deadly sin of disparaging life and beauty, joy and carefree fulfillment.
You are always beautiful, whether you acknowledge it or not, and this beauty has nothing to do with the artificial standards about the best human forms of color, shape, and height. Your beauty is the very act of creation expressing itself as you.
The only thing more wonderful than being alive is being alive as you. What else is needed? Isn't everything else just a footnote to this beauty, the beauty of consciousness experiencing itself?
The most beautiful thing in creation is you. How long must it take before you lift up your head from your passing troubles and notice it?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Depression from a Spiritual Perspective
This article about the intense subject of depression anticipates two ways of reaction. The question is: Will it be - in your case - shock or relief?
When you read about depression, you will encounter many passages like the following:
"These brain chemicals - in varying amounts - are responsible for our emotional state. Depression happens, when these chemical messages aren't delivered correctly between brain cells, disrupting communication."
What could be probably wrong with that statement?
It is based on the unquestioned belief that human beings are machines. Although this assumption is widespread, it is simply not a fact. Machines are built, operated and cared for by conscious human beings. In an analogous way our body and mind exist because of our existence as conscious beings.
It is not matter, which builds consciousness, but it is consciousness, which forms matter. That is actually our observation everywhere.
The matter of depression must be totally reevaluated from this new perspective. It is not a fact that brain chemicals are responsible for our emotional state, but vice versa. Our emotional state leads to the production of certain chemicals in our brain and body.
Of course there is an interlink between the two planes. Emotional states can definitely be influenced by certain chemical substances. But there is some substantial loss of information, as the "positive" state induced by chemicals cannot be compared with a natural positive state derived from the firm foundation in the conviction that life is wonderful.
Here we have arrived at a crucial point.
Depression is not caused by chemicals in the brain, but rather causes chemicals in the brain. Depression is a state of mind, wherein the affected human being has lost his/her connection to the original quality of life, which is bliss, knowledge and eternity.
Neither will medication help to overcome depression, nor superficial psychological treatment. The only way to help the depression sufferer is by unalloyed love, which is rare in this world. This sort of love will not further push him into the state of a helpless and powerless victim, but will empower him to take his fate into his own hands.
In this way the person suffering with depression will be given the chance to see live from a new perspective. He will learn to love himself despite of any shortcomings, because - by feeling appreciated and loved - he will come to love his real spiritual personality, which is always beyond the polarity of material despair and happiness. When he finds shelter in the ultimate quality of pure consciousness, which is unconditional love, he will feel the natural bliss of life.
Consequently this article ends with a request to doctors and psychologists: Become unconditional lovers! All other cures are temporary, like shifting a hurting heavy weight from one shoulder to the other. If you want to solve the root problem, you have to solve it first and foremost in yourself.
When you read about depression, you will encounter many passages like the following:
"These brain chemicals - in varying amounts - are responsible for our emotional state. Depression happens, when these chemical messages aren't delivered correctly between brain cells, disrupting communication."
What could be probably wrong with that statement?
It is based on the unquestioned belief that human beings are machines. Although this assumption is widespread, it is simply not a fact. Machines are built, operated and cared for by conscious human beings. In an analogous way our body and mind exist because of our existence as conscious beings.
It is not matter, which builds consciousness, but it is consciousness, which forms matter. That is actually our observation everywhere.
The matter of depression must be totally reevaluated from this new perspective. It is not a fact that brain chemicals are responsible for our emotional state, but vice versa. Our emotional state leads to the production of certain chemicals in our brain and body.
Of course there is an interlink between the two planes. Emotional states can definitely be influenced by certain chemical substances. But there is some substantial loss of information, as the "positive" state induced by chemicals cannot be compared with a natural positive state derived from the firm foundation in the conviction that life is wonderful.
Here we have arrived at a crucial point.
Depression is not caused by chemicals in the brain, but rather causes chemicals in the brain. Depression is a state of mind, wherein the affected human being has lost his/her connection to the original quality of life, which is bliss, knowledge and eternity.
Neither will medication help to overcome depression, nor superficial psychological treatment. The only way to help the depression sufferer is by unalloyed love, which is rare in this world. This sort of love will not further push him into the state of a helpless and powerless victim, but will empower him to take his fate into his own hands.
In this way the person suffering with depression will be given the chance to see live from a new perspective. He will learn to love himself despite of any shortcomings, because - by feeling appreciated and loved - he will come to love his real spiritual personality, which is always beyond the polarity of material despair and happiness. When he finds shelter in the ultimate quality of pure consciousness, which is unconditional love, he will feel the natural bliss of life.
Consequently this article ends with a request to doctors and psychologists: Become unconditional lovers! All other cures are temporary, like shifting a hurting heavy weight from one shoulder to the other. If you want to solve the root problem, you have to solve it first and foremost in yourself.
Relieving Depression from the Inside
Everybody gets down or feels blue from time to time. It's a natural thing. But others get truly and seriously depressed - unable to cope with day-to-day life or to live their lives in anything resembling a normal fashion.
Depression comes in many forms, and affects more than 18 million American adults each year. Over a million preschoolers have currently been diagnosed as clinically depressed. 15% of most developed countries suffer from severe depression, and 30% of women suffer from depression - and 41% of those won't seek treatment. In fact, 80% of the people who are now suffering from any form of depression are not currently being treated. Many simply don't recognize the signs.
Experts report that depression will be the second biggest killer in the United States by the year 2020 and 15% of people with depression currently commit suicide each year.
While the condition of depression has received more awareness and understanding, the treatment for depression hasn't improved very much. There have been many new drugs introduced to the market place to treat depression, but he side affects are often worse or more serious than the depression! In fact, there seem to be just as many lawsuits against the makers of these drugs as there are drugs!
While everybody agrees that depression must be treated, the method of treatment has not been entirely agreed upon. Only recently has it been acknowledged that depression causes more than mental pain - it also causes physical pain. Some experts believe depression should be treated with medication. Others lean towards therapy and counseling. Some believe that sufferers need both medication and counseling.
In spite of all of this, more and more people are suffering from depression each year. The problem is not going away - it's getting bigger and there are still no viable solutions in sight.
What many people, including health care professionals, rarely stop to consider is what is causing the depression. Instead of focusing on the cause, they only want to find relief. Unfortunately, finding the cause is often part of finding relief, especially when it comes to depression.
Some depression is caused by life events, and this type of depression usually passes untreated - because it's natural. For instance, when there is a death in the family, the surviving members of that family may experience a period of depression and grief. When one loses a job, they may be down until they find a new job. Again, this is depression that is perfectly natural and normal, as long as the feelings of depression don't linger on or become too severe.
Other types of depression are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Too much or too little production of serotonin in the brain causes one to feel depressed. People who work the graveyard shift often experience depression simply because they are not getting enough sunshine - which produces serotonin.
What many people don't realize is that toxins in the body can also cause depression. Those toxins make you not feel well - or not feel "quite right." You obviously aren't sick, and you have no reason to feel depressed - but you aren't sleeping well, your energy isn't what it should be, and you may even have aches and pains. No matter what you do, those feelings persist. Depression is imminent!
Antioxidants, which detoxify the body and cleanse the cells, have proven to also be natural anti-depressants - with no side effects.
Severe depression should be treated by a doctor. Even mild depression may need treatment. But consider using an antioxidant as well to see how you feel, and also get the counseling that should be recommended to see what the underlying cause of your depression is.
Depression comes in many forms, and affects more than 18 million American adults each year. Over a million preschoolers have currently been diagnosed as clinically depressed. 15% of most developed countries suffer from severe depression, and 30% of women suffer from depression - and 41% of those won't seek treatment. In fact, 80% of the people who are now suffering from any form of depression are not currently being treated. Many simply don't recognize the signs.
Experts report that depression will be the second biggest killer in the United States by the year 2020 and 15% of people with depression currently commit suicide each year.
While the condition of depression has received more awareness and understanding, the treatment for depression hasn't improved very much. There have been many new drugs introduced to the market place to treat depression, but he side affects are often worse or more serious than the depression! In fact, there seem to be just as many lawsuits against the makers of these drugs as there are drugs!
While everybody agrees that depression must be treated, the method of treatment has not been entirely agreed upon. Only recently has it been acknowledged that depression causes more than mental pain - it also causes physical pain. Some experts believe depression should be treated with medication. Others lean towards therapy and counseling. Some believe that sufferers need both medication and counseling.
In spite of all of this, more and more people are suffering from depression each year. The problem is not going away - it's getting bigger and there are still no viable solutions in sight.
What many people, including health care professionals, rarely stop to consider is what is causing the depression. Instead of focusing on the cause, they only want to find relief. Unfortunately, finding the cause is often part of finding relief, especially when it comes to depression.
Some depression is caused by life events, and this type of depression usually passes untreated - because it's natural. For instance, when there is a death in the family, the surviving members of that family may experience a period of depression and grief. When one loses a job, they may be down until they find a new job. Again, this is depression that is perfectly natural and normal, as long as the feelings of depression don't linger on or become too severe.
Other types of depression are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Too much or too little production of serotonin in the brain causes one to feel depressed. People who work the graveyard shift often experience depression simply because they are not getting enough sunshine - which produces serotonin.
What many people don't realize is that toxins in the body can also cause depression. Those toxins make you not feel well - or not feel "quite right." You obviously aren't sick, and you have no reason to feel depressed - but you aren't sleeping well, your energy isn't what it should be, and you may even have aches and pains. No matter what you do, those feelings persist. Depression is imminent!
Antioxidants, which detoxify the body and cleanse the cells, have proven to also be natural anti-depressants - with no side effects.
Severe depression should be treated by a doctor. Even mild depression may need treatment. But consider using an antioxidant as well to see how you feel, and also get the counseling that should be recommended to see what the underlying cause of your depression is.
Recognizing The Physical Symptoms Of Depression
Depression is one of the most debilitating mental disorders of our modern era. It affects nearly 10 million Americans every year. Although it is primarily thought of as a mental condition it can also inflict varying amounts of pain and discomfort that manifest as physical symptoms of depression.
One of the problems with the associated with the physical symptoms of depression is the misdiagnosis of the mental illness itself. Doctors, when presented with these physical symptoms, will test for and diagnose a physical illness and prescribe treatments to treat these symptoms not knowing or understanding that the symptoms are hiding a more insidious disease.
When you look at a list of these physical symptoms you can see why these misdiagnosis and mistreatments can occur.
1. Headaches - These are one of the first symptoms that can occur with depression. In fact headaches can be intensified to migraine like intensity in someone who is suffering from it.
2. Chest Pains - Depression can cause chest pains, which for most people is a sign of an impending heart attack. While any chest pain should be checked by a doctor it can also be a symptom of a depressed person.
3. Sleep Disorders - People who suffer from depression can have either problems going to sleep (insomnia) or they sleep for excessively long periods of time. Thy may have trouble getting out of bed as well.
4. Digestive System Issues - Diarrhea, constipation, and nausea are all symptoms of depression.
5. Extreme Fatigue - The majority of people who suffer from depression also suffer from perpetual exhaustion. This can relate back to the sleep disorders and it doesn't seem to matter how much sleep they get they still are fatigued.
6. Back Pain and Muscle Aches - Depression can intensify the pain and discomfort of people who are already suffering from these conditions.
7. Appetite and Weight Issues - People with depression can experience either a lack of appetite or intense cravings for certain foods. This can be accompanied by either weight gain or weight loss.
Another issue for people who suffer from more severe forms of depression may be even harder to diagnose because with increased severity can come delusions and hallucinations. It can become increasingly difficult to know whether a depression sufferer actually has some of these symptoms or if they are inventing them.
It is also easier for many people to accept the physical symptoms of depression then the mental symptoms. There are many people and cultures that place a social stigma on anyone with a mental illness. It is therefore easier to accept and treat a more benign physical ailment then it is to deal with issues of the mind.
What many people do not understand is that with the successful treatment of the underlying depression with either therapy or medication or both the physical symptoms of depression will often be resolved. Unfortunately treating the physical manifestations will do nothing for actual the depression and without proper treatment it will normally continue to get worse. It is therefore of the utmost importance to treat the depression itself if a sufferer is to see any relief from the physical symptoms of depression.
One of the problems with the associated with the physical symptoms of depression is the misdiagnosis of the mental illness itself. Doctors, when presented with these physical symptoms, will test for and diagnose a physical illness and prescribe treatments to treat these symptoms not knowing or understanding that the symptoms are hiding a more insidious disease.
When you look at a list of these physical symptoms you can see why these misdiagnosis and mistreatments can occur.
1. Headaches - These are one of the first symptoms that can occur with depression. In fact headaches can be intensified to migraine like intensity in someone who is suffering from it.
2. Chest Pains - Depression can cause chest pains, which for most people is a sign of an impending heart attack. While any chest pain should be checked by a doctor it can also be a symptom of a depressed person.
3. Sleep Disorders - People who suffer from depression can have either problems going to sleep (insomnia) or they sleep for excessively long periods of time. Thy may have trouble getting out of bed as well.
4. Digestive System Issues - Diarrhea, constipation, and nausea are all symptoms of depression.
5. Extreme Fatigue - The majority of people who suffer from depression also suffer from perpetual exhaustion. This can relate back to the sleep disorders and it doesn't seem to matter how much sleep they get they still are fatigued.
6. Back Pain and Muscle Aches - Depression can intensify the pain and discomfort of people who are already suffering from these conditions.
7. Appetite and Weight Issues - People with depression can experience either a lack of appetite or intense cravings for certain foods. This can be accompanied by either weight gain or weight loss.
Another issue for people who suffer from more severe forms of depression may be even harder to diagnose because with increased severity can come delusions and hallucinations. It can become increasingly difficult to know whether a depression sufferer actually has some of these symptoms or if they are inventing them.
It is also easier for many people to accept the physical symptoms of depression then the mental symptoms. There are many people and cultures that place a social stigma on anyone with a mental illness. It is therefore easier to accept and treat a more benign physical ailment then it is to deal with issues of the mind.
What many people do not understand is that with the successful treatment of the underlying depression with either therapy or medication or both the physical symptoms of depression will often be resolved. Unfortunately treating the physical manifestations will do nothing for actual the depression and without proper treatment it will normally continue to get worse. It is therefore of the utmost importance to treat the depression itself if a sufferer is to see any relief from the physical symptoms of depression.
Trying Relaxation Therapy to help with Depression
Relaxation therapy is another, though a bit controversial, method for curing or fighting depression. Even though it does not eliminate depression completely, it still has been noted to diminish some of the most difficult to deal with and confused feelings of a depression afflicted person. While some health care providers doubt the positive effect of implementing this method, others are willing to try any method which can bring their patients even a momentary relief. Relaxation therapy technique cannot replace antidepressant medication treatment. Nonetheless, it can be used for augmenting the feeling of strength and contentment, lifting up the veil of depression in a person's mind. If done properly, relaxation therapy can be useful.
First of all, let us take a look at the process. People, ready to begin their first relaxation therapy session, have to find a quiet, semi dark place for it. For, they do not want to be distracted either by light or by noise. They also are recommended to put on some more comfortable and loose fitting clothes. The best suggested position for relaxation therapy is either sitting or lying down. When all the above mentioned preparations are done, you should close your eyes, put your hands on your chest and breathe slowly. While breathing softly, feel your chest gently moving up and down beneath your hands. After practicing these breathing techniques for a few minutes, you may move on to the next procedure. Keeping on breathing deeply, place your hands on your lap palms down.
Then start picturing a place. It can be any place, a beach, your favorite room, a site seen by you on a photo or some place from your childhood experience. The main thing is that you have to feel relaxed there. Once you select the place, picture yourself there. Think about how good you feel being in that place. Go on establishing that thought in your mind. Spend some time visiting this special place and enjoying it. Finally, think about returning from that place, though, with the prospect of coming back there anytime you want.
At this point the relaxation therapy session is over. It provides people with the special place to relax at and to feel renewed. All you need to do to return there is to find a quiet corner, where you can sit down, close your eyes and relax. The best thing about relaxation therapy is that you need no one's help in telling you when or where to relax. You can do it whenever you want to.
Relaxation therapy does not help everyone. Some health care providers believe that those who suffer from sever depression will gain no benefits from it at all. If they discover they cannot actually get to their special place in the real life, they will become even more depressed. On the other hand, many people suffering from depression find relaxation technique useful for improving their mood. In this case, anything that brings improvements can be welcomed.
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Importance Of The Breath
The air we breathe is the only element our body cannot do without for even the shortest time. We can, if necessary, survive without food for as long as a month, without water for many days. But deprive the body of oxygen and we die within minutes. Cut off the supply of oxygen to the brain, and vital tissues are permanently destroyed.
Thousands of years ago the Hindi had come to understand the importance of breath so thoroughly that we find the following legend told in one of their oldest scriptures, the Bri-hadaranyaka Upanishad:
"The senses, quarreling amongst themselves one day as to who was the best, went to Brahma and said, 'Who is the richest of us - tell us!' And Brahma replied, 'He by whose departure the body seems worst, he is the richest.' And they determined to find out.
"First the eye departed, and having been absent a year it came back, asking, 'How have you been able to live without me?' They replied, 'Like blind people, not seeing with the eye, but breathing with the breath, speaking with the tongue, hearing with the ear, knowing with the mind, generating with the seed. Thus have we lived.' And the eye returned to its place.
"Next the ear departed, and at the end of a year it came back, asking the same question. And they replied, 'Like deaf people have we lived, not hearing with the ear, but breathing with the breath, speaking with the tongue, seeing with the eye, knowing with the mind, generating with the seed.' And the ear returned to its place.
"Next it was the turn of the mind, and after it had been gone a year, and returned, they said, 'We have lived like fools without you, but we have lived.' And to the seed, after it had been gone a year, they said, 'We have lived like impotent people, but we have lived.' And the mind and the seed each returned to his place.
"And now it was the turn of the breath. And on the point of departing it tore up the other senses, as a great excellent horse of the Sindhu country might tear up the pegs to which he is tethered. Then all the other senses called out to him, 'Sir, do not leave us! We shall not be able to live without thee'!"
Is it not surprising that this ancient parable coincides with scientific truth? The first step toward re-orienting and improving the functioning of your mind and body is learning to utilize - really utilize - the air you breathe. The Yogis were the first to discover the importance of this and so actually devised an exact science of breathing. They called it prana-yama, from the Sanskrit word prana, meaning breath, and yama, its cessation. They also explored pranayama from every point of view - the practical and physiological and also the mystical - for to them breathing was much more than just one of the necessary body processes.
Thousands of years ago the Hindi had come to understand the importance of breath so thoroughly that we find the following legend told in one of their oldest scriptures, the Bri-hadaranyaka Upanishad:
"The senses, quarreling amongst themselves one day as to who was the best, went to Brahma and said, 'Who is the richest of us - tell us!' And Brahma replied, 'He by whose departure the body seems worst, he is the richest.' And they determined to find out.
"First the eye departed, and having been absent a year it came back, asking, 'How have you been able to live without me?' They replied, 'Like blind people, not seeing with the eye, but breathing with the breath, speaking with the tongue, hearing with the ear, knowing with the mind, generating with the seed. Thus have we lived.' And the eye returned to its place.
"Next the ear departed, and at the end of a year it came back, asking the same question. And they replied, 'Like deaf people have we lived, not hearing with the ear, but breathing with the breath, speaking with the tongue, seeing with the eye, knowing with the mind, generating with the seed.' And the ear returned to its place.
"Next it was the turn of the mind, and after it had been gone a year, and returned, they said, 'We have lived like fools without you, but we have lived.' And to the seed, after it had been gone a year, they said, 'We have lived like impotent people, but we have lived.' And the mind and the seed each returned to his place.
"And now it was the turn of the breath. And on the point of departing it tore up the other senses, as a great excellent horse of the Sindhu country might tear up the pegs to which he is tethered. Then all the other senses called out to him, 'Sir, do not leave us! We shall not be able to live without thee'!"
Is it not surprising that this ancient parable coincides with scientific truth? The first step toward re-orienting and improving the functioning of your mind and body is learning to utilize - really utilize - the air you breathe. The Yogis were the first to discover the importance of this and so actually devised an exact science of breathing. They called it prana-yama, from the Sanskrit word prana, meaning breath, and yama, its cessation. They also explored pranayama from every point of view - the practical and physiological and also the mystical - for to them breathing was much more than just one of the necessary body processes.
Self-Hypnosis For Habit Change
You know you shouldn't. You made a decision that you weren't going to do this anymore. You know it's the right thing to do. You know that your life will be better for it. But, You do it anyway.
All the while you tell yourself that it's okay because this is the last time. You're only going to do it once more and then you'll quit. After all, it's always easier to quit tomorrow than it is today.
If you have a bad habit you know this scenario all too well. It seems like it ought to be easy. We all have free will right? Just stop. If only it were that easy.
You see, our habits aren't really controlled by our conscious mind. The powerful and compelling emotions and cravings that drive us toward our bad behavior come from our subconscious mind.
What's worse, your subconscious mind won't listen to reason. It'll ignore the most rational and persuasive argument you can muster. In fact, your subconscious mind isn't even capable of rational thought. Instead, it is driven and consumed by emotions and feelings.
Therefore, your subconscious can only be persuaded by powerful images, desires and intense emotions. But it's not enough to just visualize yourself free of your bad habits because your conscious mind acts like a filter. It prevents much of what you experience from entering your subconscious mind.
So you must not only create powerful emotional images to persuade your subconscious mind, you also have to get past your own consciousness with these images before they will have any effect on your subconscious mental scripts.
That's why hypnosis has been proven to work so well for personal habit change. It can by-pass the filtering process of your conscious mind and allow you to deliver your emotionalized message right into your subconscious mind.
The results are sometimes very powerful. Imagine how much easier it would be to quit any bad habit you might have if you didn't have those nagging cravings; if the compulsion to indulge your bad habit didn't crash down on you from out of the blue with such irresistible force.
We've all been there. We wake up in the morning and tell ourselves that we're going to be strong. Today we're going to quit. Today will be different. And for a while it is.
Then it happens. You've gotten through half the day. You've even forgotten about your habit all together. Then, like a ton of bricks, it hits you; the sudden sinking realization that your resistance has failed. Your mind has already decided to indulge your habit.
You feel guilt and shame at your failure of will power but that's not enough to overcome your compulsion. You rationalize it, telling yourself that one more time won't hurt. You'll quit after that.
Pretty quick you've told your self "just this one more time" every day for the last year. The whole thing is maddening and ridicules all at once. And the sad fact is, you are bound to continue in this kind of cycle until you re-write the subconscious mental scripts that are driving your destructive behavior.
Once that's done you can hardly keep your bad habit alive, even if you want to. Once your subconscious mind has been convinced that you no longer have a particular habit you will no longer feel those terrible, nearly irresistible, cravings and urges for your habit. Then it's just a matter of making good choices. And that's easy when you aren't a slave to those horrible feelings you get when you don't indulge in your vice.
Self-hypnosis can be a powerful tool for helping you overcome almost any destructive habit or behavior. It's gentle, safe, easy to learn and most anyone can do it. And best of all, once you've mastered self-hypnosis you will be able to apply it to any area of your life for easy personal improvement and change.
All the while you tell yourself that it's okay because this is the last time. You're only going to do it once more and then you'll quit. After all, it's always easier to quit tomorrow than it is today.
If you have a bad habit you know this scenario all too well. It seems like it ought to be easy. We all have free will right? Just stop. If only it were that easy.
You see, our habits aren't really controlled by our conscious mind. The powerful and compelling emotions and cravings that drive us toward our bad behavior come from our subconscious mind.
What's worse, your subconscious mind won't listen to reason. It'll ignore the most rational and persuasive argument you can muster. In fact, your subconscious mind isn't even capable of rational thought. Instead, it is driven and consumed by emotions and feelings.
Therefore, your subconscious can only be persuaded by powerful images, desires and intense emotions. But it's not enough to just visualize yourself free of your bad habits because your conscious mind acts like a filter. It prevents much of what you experience from entering your subconscious mind.
So you must not only create powerful emotional images to persuade your subconscious mind, you also have to get past your own consciousness with these images before they will have any effect on your subconscious mental scripts.
That's why hypnosis has been proven to work so well for personal habit change. It can by-pass the filtering process of your conscious mind and allow you to deliver your emotionalized message right into your subconscious mind.
The results are sometimes very powerful. Imagine how much easier it would be to quit any bad habit you might have if you didn't have those nagging cravings; if the compulsion to indulge your bad habit didn't crash down on you from out of the blue with such irresistible force.
We've all been there. We wake up in the morning and tell ourselves that we're going to be strong. Today we're going to quit. Today will be different. And for a while it is.
Then it happens. You've gotten through half the day. You've even forgotten about your habit all together. Then, like a ton of bricks, it hits you; the sudden sinking realization that your resistance has failed. Your mind has already decided to indulge your habit.
You feel guilt and shame at your failure of will power but that's not enough to overcome your compulsion. You rationalize it, telling yourself that one more time won't hurt. You'll quit after that.
Pretty quick you've told your self "just this one more time" every day for the last year. The whole thing is maddening and ridicules all at once. And the sad fact is, you are bound to continue in this kind of cycle until you re-write the subconscious mental scripts that are driving your destructive behavior.
Once that's done you can hardly keep your bad habit alive, even if you want to. Once your subconscious mind has been convinced that you no longer have a particular habit you will no longer feel those terrible, nearly irresistible, cravings and urges for your habit. Then it's just a matter of making good choices. And that's easy when you aren't a slave to those horrible feelings you get when you don't indulge in your vice.
Self-hypnosis can be a powerful tool for helping you overcome almost any destructive habit or behavior. It's gentle, safe, easy to learn and most anyone can do it. And best of all, once you've mastered self-hypnosis you will be able to apply it to any area of your life for easy personal improvement and change.
Establishing A Daily Meditation Practice
It's important to establish a daily practice and then stick to it. This doesn't mean dedicating 12 hours a day to meditation, it just means creating a space in your home where you can take a few minutes and meditate and do the exercises. I advise people to start with some of the basic exercises and devote 10 -20 minutes a day as they develop their physical and mental abilities. Many people quite simply overload themselves and expect too much too soon, then get discouraged when they don't see the results they thought they should see.
Getting Started
Set aside a corner in one of your rooms. You can stock it with whatever accoutrement you wish. Many folks have cushions, candles, incense and a small CD player for music or guided meditation CDs. Use whatever tools and accessories you want to, as there's no right or wrong at this point.
Once you've created your sacred space then all you have to do is use it. Set aside a few minutes each day and begin working on your breathing and Full Body Awareness. Don't worry at this point about how long you meditate, just get into the habit of doing it. The effects of meditation are cumulative, so 5 minutes a day everyday is better than 20 minutes once a week.
Eventually you'll get to the point where you don't need any accessories and you can clear your mind and meditate anywhere, at any time, but for now don't worry about that, just create a pleasant, sacred atmosphere and get started.
On Expectation
In the spiritual circles we often hear people talking about doing things without expectation. It's amazing how often the simple truths are all around us.
When we begin meditation or working towards the kundalini, we often feel that we should be able to do certain things within a certain time frame. We expect to be able to clear our minds and access our deeper abilities. We expect to be able to sit for an hour and meditate, or to see auras, or feel other people's chi. Then when it doesn't happen we become disappointed and confused. I can't tell you how important it is to break free of these expectations.
When we let go of expectations and learn to just relax in the moment and just BE, then we are making progress of the most important kind. In the west we tend to be so goal oriented and have a need to see results, but frequently the cumulative effects of meditation aren't noticeable until much later. Meditation is about this moment, about BEing totally in this moment, rather than about who you'll be when you've become a good meditator.
The important thing with a regular practice is to just do it. The effects are cumulative and one day you'll look back and see that all those short meditation sessions actually added up.
Getting Started
Set aside a corner in one of your rooms. You can stock it with whatever accoutrement you wish. Many folks have cushions, candles, incense and a small CD player for music or guided meditation CDs. Use whatever tools and accessories you want to, as there's no right or wrong at this point.
Once you've created your sacred space then all you have to do is use it. Set aside a few minutes each day and begin working on your breathing and Full Body Awareness. Don't worry at this point about how long you meditate, just get into the habit of doing it. The effects of meditation are cumulative, so 5 minutes a day everyday is better than 20 minutes once a week.
Eventually you'll get to the point where you don't need any accessories and you can clear your mind and meditate anywhere, at any time, but for now don't worry about that, just create a pleasant, sacred atmosphere and get started.
On Expectation
In the spiritual circles we often hear people talking about doing things without expectation. It's amazing how often the simple truths are all around us.
When we begin meditation or working towards the kundalini, we often feel that we should be able to do certain things within a certain time frame. We expect to be able to clear our minds and access our deeper abilities. We expect to be able to sit for an hour and meditate, or to see auras, or feel other people's chi. Then when it doesn't happen we become disappointed and confused. I can't tell you how important it is to break free of these expectations.
When we let go of expectations and learn to just relax in the moment and just BE, then we are making progress of the most important kind. In the west we tend to be so goal oriented and have a need to see results, but frequently the cumulative effects of meditation aren't noticeable until much later. Meditation is about this moment, about BEing totally in this moment, rather than about who you'll be when you've become a good meditator.
The important thing with a regular practice is to just do it. The effects are cumulative and one day you'll look back and see that all those short meditation sessions actually added up.
Drawing and Moving Energy
During various exercises we'll be drawing energy in through our chakras, into our organs and even through the entire area of our skin. Drawing energy into yourself is fairly easy to do and simply requires a heightened sense of self-awareness to feel.
To begin drawing energy just take a moment and focus on your breathing. Feel your breath as it flows in through your nostrils and down to your Dan Tien, the area two finger-widths below your belly button. Feel the chi as it flows in with your breath down to your Dan Tien. Take a few breaths and let the energy build up and spread through your body.
Now, as silly as it sounds, imagine a nose or an opening that covers your heart chakra, just over your sternum. Remember what it feels like when you draw the chi in through your nostrils? As you inhale let the nose over your heart chakra inhale chi directly into your heart. It may take awhile to really feel this, so don't be worried if it doesn't seem to come easily. As you exhale let any stress or unhappiness in your heart chakra flow down through your legs and deep into the earth.
Take some time and practice inhaling energy this way. As you get comfortable with it you'll be able to draw chi into yourself in many different ways. Below are some sample exercises that you can experiment with. You'll probably come up with some others on your own as the possibilities here are literally endless.
Chakra Breathing
We'll get deeper into this in the Chakra Chapters, but you can draw energy into any of your chakras at any time just like we did for the heart chakra.
Energizing your organs
This can be a lot of fun and really help strengthen your immune system and improve your overall health. It's also an exercise in using intention to send energy where you want it to go.
Take a moment and relax as we did above. On your inhale draw chi into your liver. Don't worry if you don't know exactly where your liver is, you don't have to. Just intend for relaxing, healing energy to flow into your liver as you inhale, and then draw it in. On your exhale let the stresses and built up energies flow out of your liver and down into the earth. Can you feel the lightness and relaxation? The liver is related to anger and aggression. The next time you find yourself becoming angry do this exercise and see if it doesn't help to shed some of those feelings.
You can run chi into any of your organs exactly the same way. The infusion of energy will help cleanse your organs and release bound stresses and memories, so you may find yourself having some unexpected emotional releases as that energy has to go somewhere once it's released.
Relaxing Stress Knots out of your muscles
Whenever you feel a stress knot building up in your muscles just draw energy directly into the knot on the inhale and let the stress flow down into the earth on your exhale. As an exercise in awareness you can take some time and just choose a body part at random and draw energy into it.
Improve your eyesight and hearing
I've personally experienced some radical healing in both my eyesight and hearing just by drawing more chi into my eyes and ears. At an age when my eyes should be getting worse I actually have gotten to the point where I only wear my glasses when I'm working on the computer or watching a movie.
Drawing energy from trees, rocks and plants
Sit with your back to a tree or better yet face it and wrap your arms around it. Relax and spend a few moments practicing feeling your own energy. Expand your awareness to the tree. Can you feel the rough bark against your skin and hear the rustle of wind in the leaves and branches. Can you smell it? Can you feel the energy from it? Create a circuit with the tree. As you inhale feel the energy from the tree flow into you. As you exhale let your energy flow into the tree. Let your friends who haven't experienced this laugh at you for being a tree hugger. Experiment with this with other plants as well as rocks and crystals. Do they all feel the same? Can you tell the difference between tree species based on the feel of their energy? Can you differentiate between different crystals based on their energy? You could keep yourself occupied indefinitely in the backyard with this exercise.
Drawing energy is something that you can do at any time, any place. As you get better at drawing energy and more comfortable with it you'll also be able to develop more control over your emotions and your physical responses by using variations on the exercises above. Don't be afraid to play with this exercise and experiment with the healing energies as this is all about building up your personal catalog of feelings and experiences.
To begin drawing energy just take a moment and focus on your breathing. Feel your breath as it flows in through your nostrils and down to your Dan Tien, the area two finger-widths below your belly button. Feel the chi as it flows in with your breath down to your Dan Tien. Take a few breaths and let the energy build up and spread through your body.
Now, as silly as it sounds, imagine a nose or an opening that covers your heart chakra, just over your sternum. Remember what it feels like when you draw the chi in through your nostrils? As you inhale let the nose over your heart chakra inhale chi directly into your heart. It may take awhile to really feel this, so don't be worried if it doesn't seem to come easily. As you exhale let any stress or unhappiness in your heart chakra flow down through your legs and deep into the earth.
Take some time and practice inhaling energy this way. As you get comfortable with it you'll be able to draw chi into yourself in many different ways. Below are some sample exercises that you can experiment with. You'll probably come up with some others on your own as the possibilities here are literally endless.
Chakra Breathing
We'll get deeper into this in the Chakra Chapters, but you can draw energy into any of your chakras at any time just like we did for the heart chakra.
Energizing your organs
This can be a lot of fun and really help strengthen your immune system and improve your overall health. It's also an exercise in using intention to send energy where you want it to go.
Take a moment and relax as we did above. On your inhale draw chi into your liver. Don't worry if you don't know exactly where your liver is, you don't have to. Just intend for relaxing, healing energy to flow into your liver as you inhale, and then draw it in. On your exhale let the stresses and built up energies flow out of your liver and down into the earth. Can you feel the lightness and relaxation? The liver is related to anger and aggression. The next time you find yourself becoming angry do this exercise and see if it doesn't help to shed some of those feelings.
You can run chi into any of your organs exactly the same way. The infusion of energy will help cleanse your organs and release bound stresses and memories, so you may find yourself having some unexpected emotional releases as that energy has to go somewhere once it's released.
Relaxing Stress Knots out of your muscles
Whenever you feel a stress knot building up in your muscles just draw energy directly into the knot on the inhale and let the stress flow down into the earth on your exhale. As an exercise in awareness you can take some time and just choose a body part at random and draw energy into it.
Improve your eyesight and hearing
I've personally experienced some radical healing in both my eyesight and hearing just by drawing more chi into my eyes and ears. At an age when my eyes should be getting worse I actually have gotten to the point where I only wear my glasses when I'm working on the computer or watching a movie.
Drawing energy from trees, rocks and plants
Sit with your back to a tree or better yet face it and wrap your arms around it. Relax and spend a few moments practicing feeling your own energy. Expand your awareness to the tree. Can you feel the rough bark against your skin and hear the rustle of wind in the leaves and branches. Can you smell it? Can you feel the energy from it? Create a circuit with the tree. As you inhale feel the energy from the tree flow into you. As you exhale let your energy flow into the tree. Let your friends who haven't experienced this laugh at you for being a tree hugger. Experiment with this with other plants as well as rocks and crystals. Do they all feel the same? Can you tell the difference between tree species based on the feel of their energy? Can you differentiate between different crystals based on their energy? You could keep yourself occupied indefinitely in the backyard with this exercise.
Drawing energy is something that you can do at any time, any place. As you get better at drawing energy and more comfortable with it you'll also be able to develop more control over your emotions and your physical responses by using variations on the exercises above. Don't be afraid to play with this exercise and experiment with the healing energies as this is all about building up your personal catalog of feelings and experiences.
Meditation Exercise - Breathing for Meditation
Breathing is the MOST important part of meditation and Kundalini Awakening. It's the foundation of all the exercises and skills that come after, so taking the time to learn it now will make things much easier.
From our birth until death we breathe more or less continually, yet for the most part we do it without any awareness of our breath and its effects on us, and believe it or not most people in the western world do it wrong!
Breathe in through your nose and draw your breath down into the area just below your navel, allowing your stomach to expand as you breathe (Baby Breath) and filling your lungs entirely with each breath before exhaling through your nose.
Take a moment right now and feel your breath. Pay attention to the air as it flows in through your nostrils and down into your lungs. Don't think about anything or do anything other than just breathe.
1. Are you taking a relatively shallow breath and just filling the upper lobes of your lungs?
2. Does your stomach move out as you breathe?
3. Do you feel the bones of your ribcage expanding and opening with each breath?
For most people the answer to 1 is YES and the answers to 2 and 3 are NO so lets expand this exercise a bit.
This time draw your breath down to a point about 2 inches below your navel (the body's center of gravity). When you do this you'll feel your stomach expand and push out in front of you. Most westerners usually keep their stomach pulled in and their chest out, so when you do this you'll have to relax all those muscles. Just take a moment and be aware of your breath as it flows down into your center.
Now as you inhale and draw your breath down, also let your ribcage expand. You'll feel your floating ribs at the bottom of your ribcage spread and move, and you may get a few pops out of your spine also. Just take a few moments and breathe this way. Don't think or let your mind wander, just breathe. If you've never meditated before then congratulations, you just did! It's exactly that simple.
There are many benefits to proper breathing. The extra oxygen in your system means that your heart doesn't have to beat as fast, lowering your pulse and your blood pressure. Drawing the breath down into your center also helps to massage your internal organs, providing more oxygen to them as well as helping to release the accumulated stresses that build up there. The long term health benefits are immeasurable and have been repeatedly proven for thousands of years.
Breathing is by far the most important part of the kundalini awakening exercises, although it sounds so simple. Paying attention to the breath is the beginning of opening up your awareness and it's seen in every meditative culture on the planet.
Take some time to practice this, as it's the foundation for everything that comes next. If you have to dedicate your meditation time to breath work for awhile then that's good, as we all proceed at our own pace.
I recently read a translation of some of Jesus' teachings from the original Aramaic (the language he actually spoke, although he apparently wasn't literate) and it was very interesting to me that in Aramaic they used the same word for "wind", "breath" and "spirit". Those with a Chi Kung background might find it interesting to take another look at the New Testament and insert the word "breath" every time you see the word "spirit".
It's funny that something as simple as proper breathing can have such a profound effect on the rest of your life, but don't take my word for it, you can find out for yourself beginning with your next inhale.
From our birth until death we breathe more or less continually, yet for the most part we do it without any awareness of our breath and its effects on us, and believe it or not most people in the western world do it wrong!
Breathe in through your nose and draw your breath down into the area just below your navel, allowing your stomach to expand as you breathe (Baby Breath) and filling your lungs entirely with each breath before exhaling through your nose.
Take a moment right now and feel your breath. Pay attention to the air as it flows in through your nostrils and down into your lungs. Don't think about anything or do anything other than just breathe.
1. Are you taking a relatively shallow breath and just filling the upper lobes of your lungs?
2. Does your stomach move out as you breathe?
3. Do you feel the bones of your ribcage expanding and opening with each breath?
For most people the answer to 1 is YES and the answers to 2 and 3 are NO so lets expand this exercise a bit.
This time draw your breath down to a point about 2 inches below your navel (the body's center of gravity). When you do this you'll feel your stomach expand and push out in front of you. Most westerners usually keep their stomach pulled in and their chest out, so when you do this you'll have to relax all those muscles. Just take a moment and be aware of your breath as it flows down into your center.
Now as you inhale and draw your breath down, also let your ribcage expand. You'll feel your floating ribs at the bottom of your ribcage spread and move, and you may get a few pops out of your spine also. Just take a few moments and breathe this way. Don't think or let your mind wander, just breathe. If you've never meditated before then congratulations, you just did! It's exactly that simple.
There are many benefits to proper breathing. The extra oxygen in your system means that your heart doesn't have to beat as fast, lowering your pulse and your blood pressure. Drawing the breath down into your center also helps to massage your internal organs, providing more oxygen to them as well as helping to release the accumulated stresses that build up there. The long term health benefits are immeasurable and have been repeatedly proven for thousands of years.
Breathing is by far the most important part of the kundalini awakening exercises, although it sounds so simple. Paying attention to the breath is the beginning of opening up your awareness and it's seen in every meditative culture on the planet.
Take some time to practice this, as it's the foundation for everything that comes next. If you have to dedicate your meditation time to breath work for awhile then that's good, as we all proceed at our own pace.
I recently read a translation of some of Jesus' teachings from the original Aramaic (the language he actually spoke, although he apparently wasn't literate) and it was very interesting to me that in Aramaic they used the same word for "wind", "breath" and "spirit". Those with a Chi Kung background might find it interesting to take another look at the New Testament and insert the word "breath" every time you see the word "spirit".
It's funny that something as simple as proper breathing can have such a profound effect on the rest of your life, but don't take my word for it, you can find out for yourself beginning with your next inhale.
Meditation Exercise - Full Body Awareness
Developing full body awareness is very simple and easy to learn.
In addition to feeling your breath flow and your stomach and ribs expand, I want you to feel the energy that flows into your body with each breath. For me it feels like a lightness, or a very light feeling. It may feel different for you so take some time here and just open up and feel the energy.
Now when you draw the energy in can you feel it pooling at your center of gravity just below your belly button? Now as you breathe just let that pool of energy expand throughout your body. Can you feel it flowing down through your legs and up your back and down your arms? Take some time here and practice this feeling that energy pool expand through your whole body. Later we'll expand it out even further, but for now just let it flow.
This exercise should help you to feel rejuvenated and refreshed as you're drawing energy from an infinite pool. Do this exercise whenever you're depressed or down, and eventually as you progress you'll learn to do it all the time. It's a habit that you have to grow into.
Awareness and Intention
EVERYTHING is about 'Awareness' and 'Intention'. Now that you've begun to build an awareness of the energy, called Chi, Ki or Prana in some circles, you'll be able to do things with it and move it around in your (and other peoples) body.
We move energy with 'Intention', and this is a very important fact. EVERYTHING is energy! Our thoughts, our actions, our beliefs, everything around us and everything we see, feel, hear, think and do is energy. Intention is what we do with that energy.
We are all connected in a vast energy pool that encompasses everything that is, was and will be. It doesn't matter whether a person believes in it or can feel it; they still have the ability to affect it. How many times have you seen a person with a negative attitude who continually draws more negative reactions to himself? He's broadcasting his intentions through his attitudes with the result that he becomes a human 'crap magnet', drawing in all the negative feelings and emotions and experiences.
The other side of this is the continually positive person who always approaches everything from a positive attitude. This doesn't mean that everything always goes the way she wants it, but if you'll watch you'll see that even the bad times provide fuel for her growth and she tries to take every 'bad experience' as a lesson to help improve herself.
Just as our thoughts can influence Chi subconsciously, so can they move it around in our body. Energy follows thought, so when you think about moving energy then it will actually go where you send it. The important thing here is to stay out of its way. Energy moves in a spiral and at its own speed, so don't try to micro-manage it, just let it flow.
Now take some time and do the Full Body Awareness exercise again, and this time feel the energy go where you send it. You can also play with this a bit. Send it down to your feet, now bring it back to your center and this time just send it down to your left foot, now your right. Now send it up to your head, and down to your left elbow.
Now, the next time you're stuck in traffic, or impatiently waiting in line at the Motor Vehicles Office, just relax and start to play with this. Isn't this a neat toy?
In addition to feeling your breath flow and your stomach and ribs expand, I want you to feel the energy that flows into your body with each breath. For me it feels like a lightness, or a very light feeling. It may feel different for you so take some time here and just open up and feel the energy.
Now when you draw the energy in can you feel it pooling at your center of gravity just below your belly button? Now as you breathe just let that pool of energy expand throughout your body. Can you feel it flowing down through your legs and up your back and down your arms? Take some time here and practice this feeling that energy pool expand through your whole body. Later we'll expand it out even further, but for now just let it flow.
This exercise should help you to feel rejuvenated and refreshed as you're drawing energy from an infinite pool. Do this exercise whenever you're depressed or down, and eventually as you progress you'll learn to do it all the time. It's a habit that you have to grow into.
Awareness and Intention
EVERYTHING is about 'Awareness' and 'Intention'. Now that you've begun to build an awareness of the energy, called Chi, Ki or Prana in some circles, you'll be able to do things with it and move it around in your (and other peoples) body.
We move energy with 'Intention', and this is a very important fact. EVERYTHING is energy! Our thoughts, our actions, our beliefs, everything around us and everything we see, feel, hear, think and do is energy. Intention is what we do with that energy.
We are all connected in a vast energy pool that encompasses everything that is, was and will be. It doesn't matter whether a person believes in it or can feel it; they still have the ability to affect it. How many times have you seen a person with a negative attitude who continually draws more negative reactions to himself? He's broadcasting his intentions through his attitudes with the result that he becomes a human 'crap magnet', drawing in all the negative feelings and emotions and experiences.
The other side of this is the continually positive person who always approaches everything from a positive attitude. This doesn't mean that everything always goes the way she wants it, but if you'll watch you'll see that even the bad times provide fuel for her growth and she tries to take every 'bad experience' as a lesson to help improve herself.
Just as our thoughts can influence Chi subconsciously, so can they move it around in our body. Energy follows thought, so when you think about moving energy then it will actually go where you send it. The important thing here is to stay out of its way. Energy moves in a spiral and at its own speed, so don't try to micro-manage it, just let it flow.
Now take some time and do the Full Body Awareness exercise again, and this time feel the energy go where you send it. You can also play with this a bit. Send it down to your feet, now bring it back to your center and this time just send it down to your left foot, now your right. Now send it up to your head, and down to your left elbow.
Now, the next time you're stuck in traffic, or impatiently waiting in line at the Motor Vehicles Office, just relax and start to play with this. Isn't this a neat toy?
Basic Meditation Exercises
The following exercises range from pretty simple to pretty complicated, but as you develop your abilities you'll eventually find that you can do them all at once and effortlessly. It can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years to develop this ability, so remember what I said about expectations.
You'll eventually be able to remember how to do these exercises by memory, and then after that you'll get to the point where you just do them without having to think about them.
Grounding
Grounding will always be an important skill, no matter how advanced you become, so take the time to learn this now and to be able to do it effortlessly.
Stand in the "Standing Stake" pose described above. Go through the breathing and Full Body Awareness exercises. Visualize roots growing from your feet down through the core of the earth, just like a tree. In later meditations you can add some variety by seeing the roots flow down to a large crystal at the earth's core. Depending on the effect you want you can vary the crystals and access different energies, but that obviously beyond the scope of the exercise at this point.
As you inhale feel the energy of the earth being drawn up through your roots and up through your body and out through the top of your head. On your exhale, let that energy drop back down through your body and feel all the accumulated stress of your life flow out with it and back down through your roots and into the earth. Feel your muscles relax as the stress flows out. This is a good way to release all your stresses, fears, angers and feelings of inadequacy. Repeat this exercise for awhile, as many times as necessary to clean yourself out.
There's nothing wrong (and a lot of benefit) to stopping at this point and just doing these exercises that I've gone over up to this point, until they become completely effortless. Whenever you feel yourself becoming stressed or angry learn to take a moment and ground yourself and let those feelings just flow out.
Progressive Relaxation
Progressive Relaxation is easy to do and you can do it anywhere and anytime. Assume your meditation position of choice (I like the half-lotus on a zafu) and go through all the exercises I've covered up to this point. Just take a moment and feel the relaxed energy that you should have after grounding and releasing all your stress. Are you ready to get deeper into this feeling?
Feel the energy that flows up through your roots and into your feet. Make fists with your feet by curling your toes in as far as you can until it hurts, then relax. Let that relaxed feeling flow from your toes back over your feet and feel them relax. As you inhale draw that relaxed feeling up over your ankles and feel them relax completely. On the exhale let any residual stress flow back out and down through the earth.
On your next inhale draw that relaxed feeling back up over your calves, letting them relax after walking all day. Draw that relaxed energy up over your thighs with the next inhale. They're the biggest muscles in the body, so let them relax and rest now.
As you inhale feel that relaxed feeling flow up over your hips and buttocks. Feel the stress bleed away. We store a lost of stress here, so take a moment and let this area relax. Draw that relaxed feeling up over your stomach and lower back. Feel the muscles in your back relax and feel your stomach move with your inhale.
Bring the energy up over your chest and the middle of your back. Feel your heart area expand with the relaxed energy and feel all the accumulated stress in between your shoulder blades release and flow out and back down with your exhale.
Draw the feeling of relaxation up over your shoulders and neck. Feel any residual tension flow out with your exhale. Let that relaxed energy flow up and over your head. Let the muscles of your face and those at the base of your skull relax.
Just sit here and feel this relaxed body that you have. Remember this feeling as its how you should feel all the time. Tense muscles store energy, which means that your energy isn't flowing through you, but rather sticking in certain places in your body.
When your muscles are relaxed then your energy flows unimpeded and is continually renewed, leaving you feeling much lighter and more refreshed.
You'll eventually be able to remember how to do these exercises by memory, and then after that you'll get to the point where you just do them without having to think about them.
Grounding
Grounding will always be an important skill, no matter how advanced you become, so take the time to learn this now and to be able to do it effortlessly.
Stand in the "Standing Stake" pose described above. Go through the breathing and Full Body Awareness exercises. Visualize roots growing from your feet down through the core of the earth, just like a tree. In later meditations you can add some variety by seeing the roots flow down to a large crystal at the earth's core. Depending on the effect you want you can vary the crystals and access different energies, but that obviously beyond the scope of the exercise at this point.
As you inhale feel the energy of the earth being drawn up through your roots and up through your body and out through the top of your head. On your exhale, let that energy drop back down through your body and feel all the accumulated stress of your life flow out with it and back down through your roots and into the earth. Feel your muscles relax as the stress flows out. This is a good way to release all your stresses, fears, angers and feelings of inadequacy. Repeat this exercise for awhile, as many times as necessary to clean yourself out.
There's nothing wrong (and a lot of benefit) to stopping at this point and just doing these exercises that I've gone over up to this point, until they become completely effortless. Whenever you feel yourself becoming stressed or angry learn to take a moment and ground yourself and let those feelings just flow out.
Progressive Relaxation
Progressive Relaxation is easy to do and you can do it anywhere and anytime. Assume your meditation position of choice (I like the half-lotus on a zafu) and go through all the exercises I've covered up to this point. Just take a moment and feel the relaxed energy that you should have after grounding and releasing all your stress. Are you ready to get deeper into this feeling?
Feel the energy that flows up through your roots and into your feet. Make fists with your feet by curling your toes in as far as you can until it hurts, then relax. Let that relaxed feeling flow from your toes back over your feet and feel them relax. As you inhale draw that relaxed feeling up over your ankles and feel them relax completely. On the exhale let any residual stress flow back out and down through the earth.
On your next inhale draw that relaxed feeling back up over your calves, letting them relax after walking all day. Draw that relaxed energy up over your thighs with the next inhale. They're the biggest muscles in the body, so let them relax and rest now.
As you inhale feel that relaxed feeling flow up over your hips and buttocks. Feel the stress bleed away. We store a lost of stress here, so take a moment and let this area relax. Draw that relaxed feeling up over your stomach and lower back. Feel the muscles in your back relax and feel your stomach move with your inhale.
Bring the energy up over your chest and the middle of your back. Feel your heart area expand with the relaxed energy and feel all the accumulated stress in between your shoulder blades release and flow out and back down with your exhale.
Draw the feeling of relaxation up over your shoulders and neck. Feel any residual tension flow out with your exhale. Let that relaxed energy flow up and over your head. Let the muscles of your face and those at the base of your skull relax.
Just sit here and feel this relaxed body that you have. Remember this feeling as its how you should feel all the time. Tense muscles store energy, which means that your energy isn't flowing through you, but rather sticking in certain places in your body.
When your muscles are relaxed then your energy flows unimpeded and is continually renewed, leaving you feeling much lighter and more refreshed.
Simple Meditation Techniques Anyone Can use
Meditation refers to a state where your body and mind are consciously relaxed and focused. Practitioners of this art report increased awareness, focus, and concentration, as well as a more positive outlook on life.
Meditation is most commonly associated with monks, mystics and other spiritual disciplines. However, you don't have to be a monk or mystic to enjoy its benefits.
You don't even have to be in a special place to practice it. You could try it in your own living room!
Although there are many different approaches to meditation, the fundamental principles remain the same. The most important among these principles is that of removing obstructive, negative, and wandering thoughts and fantasies, and calming the mind with a deep sense of focus. This clears the mind of debris and prepares it for a higher quality of activity.
The negative thoughts you have - those of noisy neighbors, bossy officemates, that parking ticket you got, and unwanted spam - are all contributing to the "polluting" of the mind. Shutting them out allows for the "cleansing" of the mind so that it may focus on deeper, more meaningful thoughts.
Some practitioners even shut out all sensory input - no sight, no sound, and nothing to touch. They try to detach themselves from all of the commotion around them.
Once you achieve this, you may now focus on deep, profound thought, if this is your goal. It may seem deafening at first, since we are all too accustomed to constantly hearing and seeing things, but as you continue this exercise you will find your awareness of everything around you increasing dramatically.
If you find the meditating positions you see on television threatening; you know ... the ones with impossibly arched backs, and painful-looking contortions ... you don't need to worry.
The principle here is to be in a comfortable position conducive to concentration. This may be while sitting cross-legged, standing, lying down, or even walking.
If a position allows you to relax and focus, then use that position as a starting point. While sitting or standing, the back should be straight, but not tense or tight. In other positions, the only no-no is slouching and falling asleep.
Loose, comfortable clothes help a lot in the process since tight fitting clothes have a tendency to choke you up and make you feel tense and restrained. The idea is to let go, not to restrain yourself!
The place you perform meditation should have a soothing atmosphere. It may be in your living room, bedroom, or any place where you feel comfortable.
You will probably want to use an exercise mat if you plan to take on the more challenging positions (if you feel more focused doing so, and if the contortionist in you is screaming for release). You will want to have the area arranged so that it is soothing to your senses.
Silence helps most people relax and meditate, so you will need to search for and find a quiet, isolated area far from the ringing of the phone or the humming of the washing machine.
Pleasing scents also help in that regard, so using on aromatic candles isn't such a bad idea either. They aren't very good for your health due to the chemicals they emit into your breathing space, but they are relaxing.
Some people use incense in place of candles, again, not very good for your health but relaxing just the same.
The monks you see on television making those monotonous sounds are actually performing their mantra. This, in simple terms, is a short creed, a simple sound which, for these practitioners, holds a mystic value.
You do not need to perform these things; however, it's worthy to note that focusing on repeated actions such as breathing, or humming help the practitioner enter a higher state of consciousness.
The principle here is focus. You could also try focusing on a certain object or thought, or even, while keeping your eyes open, focus on a single sight.
One sample routine would be to, while in a meditative state, silently name every part of your body and focus your thoughts on that part.
While doing this you should be aware of any tension on any part of your body. Mentally visualize releasing this tension. It works wonders.
All in all, meditation is a relatively risk-free practice and its benefits are well worth the effort, or non-effort; remember we're meditating in order to help us relax.
Studies have shown that meditation does bring about beneficial physiologic effects to the body. And there has been a growing consensus in the medical community to further study the effects of these practices. So in the near future, who knows, that mystical, esoteric thing we call meditation might become a science itself!
Meditation is most commonly associated with monks, mystics and other spiritual disciplines. However, you don't have to be a monk or mystic to enjoy its benefits.
You don't even have to be in a special place to practice it. You could try it in your own living room!
Although there are many different approaches to meditation, the fundamental principles remain the same. The most important among these principles is that of removing obstructive, negative, and wandering thoughts and fantasies, and calming the mind with a deep sense of focus. This clears the mind of debris and prepares it for a higher quality of activity.
The negative thoughts you have - those of noisy neighbors, bossy officemates, that parking ticket you got, and unwanted spam - are all contributing to the "polluting" of the mind. Shutting them out allows for the "cleansing" of the mind so that it may focus on deeper, more meaningful thoughts.
Some practitioners even shut out all sensory input - no sight, no sound, and nothing to touch. They try to detach themselves from all of the commotion around them.
Once you achieve this, you may now focus on deep, profound thought, if this is your goal. It may seem deafening at first, since we are all too accustomed to constantly hearing and seeing things, but as you continue this exercise you will find your awareness of everything around you increasing dramatically.
If you find the meditating positions you see on television threatening; you know ... the ones with impossibly arched backs, and painful-looking contortions ... you don't need to worry.
The principle here is to be in a comfortable position conducive to concentration. This may be while sitting cross-legged, standing, lying down, or even walking.
If a position allows you to relax and focus, then use that position as a starting point. While sitting or standing, the back should be straight, but not tense or tight. In other positions, the only no-no is slouching and falling asleep.
Loose, comfortable clothes help a lot in the process since tight fitting clothes have a tendency to choke you up and make you feel tense and restrained. The idea is to let go, not to restrain yourself!
The place you perform meditation should have a soothing atmosphere. It may be in your living room, bedroom, or any place where you feel comfortable.
You will probably want to use an exercise mat if you plan to take on the more challenging positions (if you feel more focused doing so, and if the contortionist in you is screaming for release). You will want to have the area arranged so that it is soothing to your senses.
Silence helps most people relax and meditate, so you will need to search for and find a quiet, isolated area far from the ringing of the phone or the humming of the washing machine.
Pleasing scents also help in that regard, so using on aromatic candles isn't such a bad idea either. They aren't very good for your health due to the chemicals they emit into your breathing space, but they are relaxing.
Some people use incense in place of candles, again, not very good for your health but relaxing just the same.
The monks you see on television making those monotonous sounds are actually performing their mantra. This, in simple terms, is a short creed, a simple sound which, for these practitioners, holds a mystic value.
You do not need to perform these things; however, it's worthy to note that focusing on repeated actions such as breathing, or humming help the practitioner enter a higher state of consciousness.
The principle here is focus. You could also try focusing on a certain object or thought, or even, while keeping your eyes open, focus on a single sight.
One sample routine would be to, while in a meditative state, silently name every part of your body and focus your thoughts on that part.
While doing this you should be aware of any tension on any part of your body. Mentally visualize releasing this tension. It works wonders.
All in all, meditation is a relatively risk-free practice and its benefits are well worth the effort, or non-effort; remember we're meditating in order to help us relax.
Studies have shown that meditation does bring about beneficial physiologic effects to the body. And there has been a growing consensus in the medical community to further study the effects of these practices. So in the near future, who knows, that mystical, esoteric thing we call meditation might become a science itself!
The Law of Attraction
By now you've probably heard the buzz about the Law of Attraction. It's the concept that says that you can have, be or do anything that you want no matter how large it might be.
The Law of Attraction is an extremely simple concept that we've all heard before. Simply put it's 'Like Attracts Like'.
In very simple terms the Law of Attraction says that what you think about and what you feel is what you will attract. This sounds too simple to be true, but with only a small bit of experimentation you'll be able to prove this for yourself.
In order to do that you'll need some basic principles.
Principle #1 The Universe is Neutral
The Universe doesn't care or even realize that you may have wants and needs. It simply exists and the elements that exist within it operate under very basic rules. 'Like attracts like' is one of those rules.
In order to use the Law of Attraction purposefully you must develop a level of self-awareness that will let you avoid negative thoughts and concentrate on the positive. One of the problems that many people experience is the fact that they are constantly thinking about what they don't want.
Principle #2 What you think and what you feel is what you get
The Universe doesn't hear "I don't want debt". It only hears the subject of the thought, which in this case was 'debt'. Thoughts have a certain amount of energy, but feelings actually project more energy, therefore the universe will respond to what you feel over what you think. Remember that this is a process and that you will spend some time identifying and deleting old thoughts, habits and patterns. When you see something that you'd like to have and instantly think "I'll never be able to afford that", just remember that this can take awhile. Don't beat yourself up over the occasional negative thought like that. Just remember that this is about learning a new way to think and feel.
Principle #3 You must ask for what you want
When you think about something you want you project your intent. When you write down what you want you are projecting a stronger intent by giving your intention more energy. When you make time each day to visualize and experience what you want then you are showing the Universe exactly what you want to attract.
Principle #4 You must give yourself permission to receive
This is a step that many people have a hard time with. They may ask for something such as love, happiness or money, but in their hearts they may not believe that they deserve it. It doesn't matter what you ask for if you don't believe that you can get it! If you can't honestly visualize yourself in that situation then the Universe will not manifest it for you. This leads into the next step.
Principle #5 You must be in alignment with what you are asking for
Say a prayer, cast a spell, light a candle or some incense, visualize, affirm, look in the classifieds, get a new suit, whatever. DO something that puts you on the path to receiving that which you desire. Take action. Act as if you already have the money or the love or the car or whatever. Live as if your desire has already manifested. You give much more energy to your intent if you back it up with action.
Principle #6 Start at a level which is believable for you
The Universe is unlimited in its potential. The Universe doesn't recognize size or amounts or depth or any other qualifier. Those are all human qualifications that we place on things. The Universe only sees energy. With that in mind you should, technically, be able to instantly manifest a million dollars, or a new house or a new spouse. In reality most of us have to build up to asking for the big things, and that is perfectly fine. Have faith in your process and don't worry about HOW you are going to manifest, just trust and get on with it. Start with something small and develop your abilities. The more you use it and the more success you have the better you'll be able to make the Law of Attraction work for you.
Principle #7 Have FUN with this
Life is an amazing experience. Every day you are surrounded by miracles and wonders. Enjoy it! Be happy and experiment. Try new things, ask for more, play with the world as if it were your toy and spread that joy and love and laughter and then look at what you are manifesting.
Take some time and experiment with these simple concepts. Feel free to experiment and play and enjoy the process. This should NOT be hard or stressful, life in an abundant and unlimited Universe is not meant to be so. Feel good and follow your bliss.
The Law of Attraction is an extremely simple concept that we've all heard before. Simply put it's 'Like Attracts Like'.
In very simple terms the Law of Attraction says that what you think about and what you feel is what you will attract. This sounds too simple to be true, but with only a small bit of experimentation you'll be able to prove this for yourself.
In order to do that you'll need some basic principles.
Principle #1 The Universe is Neutral
The Universe doesn't care or even realize that you may have wants and needs. It simply exists and the elements that exist within it operate under very basic rules. 'Like attracts like' is one of those rules.
In order to use the Law of Attraction purposefully you must develop a level of self-awareness that will let you avoid negative thoughts and concentrate on the positive. One of the problems that many people experience is the fact that they are constantly thinking about what they don't want.
Principle #2 What you think and what you feel is what you get
The Universe doesn't hear "I don't want debt". It only hears the subject of the thought, which in this case was 'debt'. Thoughts have a certain amount of energy, but feelings actually project more energy, therefore the universe will respond to what you feel over what you think. Remember that this is a process and that you will spend some time identifying and deleting old thoughts, habits and patterns. When you see something that you'd like to have and instantly think "I'll never be able to afford that", just remember that this can take awhile. Don't beat yourself up over the occasional negative thought like that. Just remember that this is about learning a new way to think and feel.
Principle #3 You must ask for what you want
When you think about something you want you project your intent. When you write down what you want you are projecting a stronger intent by giving your intention more energy. When you make time each day to visualize and experience what you want then you are showing the Universe exactly what you want to attract.
Principle #4 You must give yourself permission to receive
This is a step that many people have a hard time with. They may ask for something such as love, happiness or money, but in their hearts they may not believe that they deserve it. It doesn't matter what you ask for if you don't believe that you can get it! If you can't honestly visualize yourself in that situation then the Universe will not manifest it for you. This leads into the next step.
Principle #5 You must be in alignment with what you are asking for
Say a prayer, cast a spell, light a candle or some incense, visualize, affirm, look in the classifieds, get a new suit, whatever. DO something that puts you on the path to receiving that which you desire. Take action. Act as if you already have the money or the love or the car or whatever. Live as if your desire has already manifested. You give much more energy to your intent if you back it up with action.
Principle #6 Start at a level which is believable for you
The Universe is unlimited in its potential. The Universe doesn't recognize size or amounts or depth or any other qualifier. Those are all human qualifications that we place on things. The Universe only sees energy. With that in mind you should, technically, be able to instantly manifest a million dollars, or a new house or a new spouse. In reality most of us have to build up to asking for the big things, and that is perfectly fine. Have faith in your process and don't worry about HOW you are going to manifest, just trust and get on with it. Start with something small and develop your abilities. The more you use it and the more success you have the better you'll be able to make the Law of Attraction work for you.
Principle #7 Have FUN with this
Life is an amazing experience. Every day you are surrounded by miracles and wonders. Enjoy it! Be happy and experiment. Try new things, ask for more, play with the world as if it were your toy and spread that joy and love and laughter and then look at what you are manifesting.
Take some time and experiment with these simple concepts. Feel free to experiment and play and enjoy the process. This should NOT be hard or stressful, life in an abundant and unlimited Universe is not meant to be so. Feel good and follow your bliss.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
How To Use Your Dream Creation Machine
When you give yourself over to your dreams, you show that you really mean to make them come true. To commit to something is to pledge unwavering support; to entrust in your dreams is to stand behind them.
This oath of loyalty is something that most people are not willing to do. The reason for this is that it makes them uncomfortable. What if they need to change it? What if they don't feel like doing it tomorrow?
This lack of commitment results in a withholding of the force necessary to deal with all the problematic situations pursing the dream will unfold for you.
A problem is an inability to resolve something because of lack of knowledge or resources on how to solve it. If you knew what to do and how to do it, if you had all the resources you needed to take care of an issue, it would not be a problem.
A dream is always a problem because it is asking you to be more than you currently are being. If you had all the skills, talent, knowledge and resources to make it happen, it would already be part of your reality.
Thus a dream, like a problem, proposes a gap. This is a gap of where you are now to where you want to be.
Now the only way to solve a problem or to make a dream come true is to have the will to do it. Once the energy of will is awoken, then the energy of creative thinking comes into play. And all this, of course, takes commitment, the willingness to do whatever it takes to make something new, better, and different happen for you.
Once you engage with your dream, it engages with you. The scene is set for the deeper part of your mind to now go to work on making things happen. Before your commitment that part of your mind did not have sufficient permission to hone in on your target.
Let us, for the sake of this discussion, call that deep part of the mind, the subconscious dream-delivery mechanism.
This mechanism once it is set in motion immediately begins a lesson review. What lessons have you learned in the past to help you with this dream? Then it proposes new lessons for you to learn. Some of these will be pleasant, others will be very new, and you will feel clumsy and awkward, even afraid, as you start to learn them.
The next thing it does is to look at constraints. What is the bottleneck to your productivity? Where are you stuck? What needs to be overcome, either internally or externally, to make something better happen?
Here, then, is a summary of the process of dream-creation.
First, there is the dream. It is a mixture of idea, desire, fear and excitement. It challenges you to be more than you currently are being; it pushes you to experience more than you are currently experiencing; it promises your life a new, bolder, more entrancing possibility.
Second, there is the commitment to the dream. "Yes," you say, "I believe in the value of this dream both today and tomorrow. My mind is set. My course is determined. I am willing to put the full force of my mind to work on this dream until it becomes my reality. I am willing to engage in this dream fully and completely and do whatever it takes to make it come true."
Third, the commitment then kicks into motion your subconscious dream delivery mechanism. You review what you know now and you begin the journey of learning what you do not currently know. In addition, you see what obstacles stand in your way and work on removing them.
W.H. Murray of the Scottish Himalayan expedition described the process of making your dreams come true in the following way:
"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect of one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
Success is not easy. It seldom happens by itself. It needs you to engage it.
This oath of loyalty is something that most people are not willing to do. The reason for this is that it makes them uncomfortable. What if they need to change it? What if they don't feel like doing it tomorrow?
This lack of commitment results in a withholding of the force necessary to deal with all the problematic situations pursing the dream will unfold for you.
A problem is an inability to resolve something because of lack of knowledge or resources on how to solve it. If you knew what to do and how to do it, if you had all the resources you needed to take care of an issue, it would not be a problem.
A dream is always a problem because it is asking you to be more than you currently are being. If you had all the skills, talent, knowledge and resources to make it happen, it would already be part of your reality.
Thus a dream, like a problem, proposes a gap. This is a gap of where you are now to where you want to be.
Now the only way to solve a problem or to make a dream come true is to have the will to do it. Once the energy of will is awoken, then the energy of creative thinking comes into play. And all this, of course, takes commitment, the willingness to do whatever it takes to make something new, better, and different happen for you.
Once you engage with your dream, it engages with you. The scene is set for the deeper part of your mind to now go to work on making things happen. Before your commitment that part of your mind did not have sufficient permission to hone in on your target.
Let us, for the sake of this discussion, call that deep part of the mind, the subconscious dream-delivery mechanism.
This mechanism once it is set in motion immediately begins a lesson review. What lessons have you learned in the past to help you with this dream? Then it proposes new lessons for you to learn. Some of these will be pleasant, others will be very new, and you will feel clumsy and awkward, even afraid, as you start to learn them.
The next thing it does is to look at constraints. What is the bottleneck to your productivity? Where are you stuck? What needs to be overcome, either internally or externally, to make something better happen?
Here, then, is a summary of the process of dream-creation.
First, there is the dream. It is a mixture of idea, desire, fear and excitement. It challenges you to be more than you currently are being; it pushes you to experience more than you are currently experiencing; it promises your life a new, bolder, more entrancing possibility.
Second, there is the commitment to the dream. "Yes," you say, "I believe in the value of this dream both today and tomorrow. My mind is set. My course is determined. I am willing to put the full force of my mind to work on this dream until it becomes my reality. I am willing to engage in this dream fully and completely and do whatever it takes to make it come true."
Third, the commitment then kicks into motion your subconscious dream delivery mechanism. You review what you know now and you begin the journey of learning what you do not currently know. In addition, you see what obstacles stand in your way and work on removing them.
W.H. Murray of the Scottish Himalayan expedition described the process of making your dreams come true in the following way:
"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect of one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
Success is not easy. It seldom happens by itself. It needs you to engage it.
How to Attract a Desirable and Successful Woman
The shift of economic power between the sexes means that women are no longer financially dependent on husbands or boyfriends. They have the choice of whether to live alone or with a partner, and the partner can be either long or short term. So how do you attract a desirable woman ?
Relations between the sexes have a biological basis and although patterns of life have changed over the last 2,000 years, human biology is relatively slow to develop and adapt. For most women this means they are driven by their genes to seek out a male who will be a loving companion and a suitable father for their children.
The following list may help males of all ages to understand women -
1. Sex Appeal
Women are undoubtedly attracted to men they consider sexy. If that means men should be over 6 foot tall, have blue eyes, wavy fair hair and a slim waist, then most men are doomed to failure. Fortunately, the concept of sexiness is not so simple. There are many short, bald, fat men who are regularly seen with attractive women. What these men have in common is an ability to charm and flatter women and make them feel feminine.
2. Make her feel like a Woman
A cursory glance at adverts aimed at women confirms that women wish to look beautiful, young, and have an interesting life style. All a man needs to do is tell a woman what she wants to hear. If in addition, he means it, that is a bonus. This technique will work with women of all ages and persuasions.
It is difficult to think of a woman less interested in romance than the widowed Queen Victoria, yet the British Prime Minster Disraeli famously remarked that everyone likes flattery. And when it comes to royalty, you should lay it on with a trowel.
3. Men should be Masterful
Despite the financial independence of women, a man who is strong will also be attractive. This is not defined in terms of physical strength, but rather strength of character. In other words a woman seeks a man who is masterful, and not a wimp.
This is a challenging point because many women are better suited to making financial decisions than men, in addition to having impressive organisational and networking skills. Despite this, many successful career women are happily married to men whose career and earnings are but a pale reflection of their own.
Strength of character means that a man will support a decision made by a talented woman and help her to realise her goals, even though he may not be capable of realising such goals for himself.
4. Men should be Useful
As many women are no longer financially dependent on men, men need to consider their role in a relationship. Successful women need a partner who is an asset, that is, he helps her to achieve both her professional ambitions and pursue a family life.
There comes a stage in a young woman's life when she starts thinking of settling down, getting married and having a family. This means she is looking for a long term partner who is sober, dependable, loving, faithful and who will be a suitable role model for any male children. Many men will find this a demanding specification, but for most women, this is a non negotiable list.
5. Men should have Homemaking Skills
If men find the above list daunting, then they should at least be able to develop and demonstrate practical skills around the house. Tasks like mowing the lawn, and fixing things around the house are traditional male chores. Reading bedtime stories to young children is an optional extra.
Unfortunately, many professional men, often with names like Jeremy and Nigel, never helped their own father to perform manual tasks and they therefore lack these skills. Some are encouraged by their partners to enrol on evening classes in car mechanics.
6. Men should be Witty
This has become an essential trait. It is linked to an ability to communicate effectively. Many men find this a problem as they are naturally quiet or perhaps introspective or they may have a job which emphasises manual rather than verbal skills. Some male workers in the Information Technology sector fall into this category and are dismissively classified as geeks by women.
If a man is considered boring, then he will never make it with a woman. No matter how high he may score on all other attributes, the ability to amuse a woman is essential. This is rather strange as many men pursue brain dead Barbie style women, yet even Barbie will want her Ken to have witty and stimulating conversation.
Developing a sense of humour is not easy. Learning a selection of jokes may be a useful starting point, but a male needs to develop an awareness of potentially humorous situations and an ability to articulate these in an engaging way. Definitely a long term aim.
7. Men should be Distinctive
We all need to differentiate ourselves from the herd. Individuality and achievement are always highly valued by women. A skill or interest or hobby in music, sport, literature, art, poetry or whatever is highly regarded by a woman. It matters little whether the woman shares this interest, the point is that it reinforces a man's identity and adds to his aura of inner strength.
Many men think that they need to give up their favourite hobby or pastime when they enter a serious relationship, as their partner will not share the interest. This is a mistake. It is important for a man to continue to define himself as an independent entity from his partner. Many men also welcome an opportunity to spend time away from their partner and life at home.
8. Men should be Good Lovers
Well, this must be mentioned, although it is considered by many to be highly overrated. In any sexual relationship, it is important to note and be responsive to the other person's desires and wishes. Most women will let their partners know what they like and modern society allows and even encourages women to take the leading role in lovemaking.
Relations between the sexes have a biological basis and although patterns of life have changed over the last 2,000 years, human biology is relatively slow to develop and adapt. For most women this means they are driven by their genes to seek out a male who will be a loving companion and a suitable father for their children.
The following list may help males of all ages to understand women -
1. Sex Appeal
Women are undoubtedly attracted to men they consider sexy. If that means men should be over 6 foot tall, have blue eyes, wavy fair hair and a slim waist, then most men are doomed to failure. Fortunately, the concept of sexiness is not so simple. There are many short, bald, fat men who are regularly seen with attractive women. What these men have in common is an ability to charm and flatter women and make them feel feminine.
2. Make her feel like a Woman
A cursory glance at adverts aimed at women confirms that women wish to look beautiful, young, and have an interesting life style. All a man needs to do is tell a woman what she wants to hear. If in addition, he means it, that is a bonus. This technique will work with women of all ages and persuasions.
It is difficult to think of a woman less interested in romance than the widowed Queen Victoria, yet the British Prime Minster Disraeli famously remarked that everyone likes flattery. And when it comes to royalty, you should lay it on with a trowel.
3. Men should be Masterful
Despite the financial independence of women, a man who is strong will also be attractive. This is not defined in terms of physical strength, but rather strength of character. In other words a woman seeks a man who is masterful, and not a wimp.
This is a challenging point because many women are better suited to making financial decisions than men, in addition to having impressive organisational and networking skills. Despite this, many successful career women are happily married to men whose career and earnings are but a pale reflection of their own.
Strength of character means that a man will support a decision made by a talented woman and help her to realise her goals, even though he may not be capable of realising such goals for himself.
4. Men should be Useful
As many women are no longer financially dependent on men, men need to consider their role in a relationship. Successful women need a partner who is an asset, that is, he helps her to achieve both her professional ambitions and pursue a family life.
There comes a stage in a young woman's life when she starts thinking of settling down, getting married and having a family. This means she is looking for a long term partner who is sober, dependable, loving, faithful and who will be a suitable role model for any male children. Many men will find this a demanding specification, but for most women, this is a non negotiable list.
5. Men should have Homemaking Skills
If men find the above list daunting, then they should at least be able to develop and demonstrate practical skills around the house. Tasks like mowing the lawn, and fixing things around the house are traditional male chores. Reading bedtime stories to young children is an optional extra.
Unfortunately, many professional men, often with names like Jeremy and Nigel, never helped their own father to perform manual tasks and they therefore lack these skills. Some are encouraged by their partners to enrol on evening classes in car mechanics.
6. Men should be Witty
This has become an essential trait. It is linked to an ability to communicate effectively. Many men find this a problem as they are naturally quiet or perhaps introspective or they may have a job which emphasises manual rather than verbal skills. Some male workers in the Information Technology sector fall into this category and are dismissively classified as geeks by women.
If a man is considered boring, then he will never make it with a woman. No matter how high he may score on all other attributes, the ability to amuse a woman is essential. This is rather strange as many men pursue brain dead Barbie style women, yet even Barbie will want her Ken to have witty and stimulating conversation.
Developing a sense of humour is not easy. Learning a selection of jokes may be a useful starting point, but a male needs to develop an awareness of potentially humorous situations and an ability to articulate these in an engaging way. Definitely a long term aim.
7. Men should be Distinctive
We all need to differentiate ourselves from the herd. Individuality and achievement are always highly valued by women. A skill or interest or hobby in music, sport, literature, art, poetry or whatever is highly regarded by a woman. It matters little whether the woman shares this interest, the point is that it reinforces a man's identity and adds to his aura of inner strength.
Many men think that they need to give up their favourite hobby or pastime when they enter a serious relationship, as their partner will not share the interest. This is a mistake. It is important for a man to continue to define himself as an independent entity from his partner. Many men also welcome an opportunity to spend time away from their partner and life at home.
8. Men should be Good Lovers
Well, this must be mentioned, although it is considered by many to be highly overrated. In any sexual relationship, it is important to note and be responsive to the other person's desires and wishes. Most women will let their partners know what they like and modern society allows and even encourages women to take the leading role in lovemaking.
How Your Comfort Zone Limits Your Social Skills
If you are interested in developing leadership skills or business skills or social skills, it's important to understand what is holding you back: it's your comfort zone.
When you pull away from the things, people, and experiences you are familiar with, when you step out of your comfort zone, you are on a path of growth. This growth, to say the least, is forcing you to stretch, and this stretching is uncomfortable.
All critical skills come from leaving your comfort zone.
It would be wonderful if there was a way to comfortably grow. But growth actually stretches our self-confidence to a breaking point. We are no longer able to use those talents and social skills that had become second-nature. We can no longer call upon those who could be relied upon to support us. Instead, we find ourselves suddenly clumsy and with new people who have not yet come to know us and like us.
Here is an analogy:
Imagine that you are living in a small village. You know everyone. You know what to do, and when. This is your safe and familiar world. But your life calls for you to go beyond your village. Outside the village are resources, more money, more education, more things that you need to experience. You are forced outside your village because although it is comfortable, it doesn't have everything you need to survive or succeed in life.
This is how life works. We have our vision, our new purpose, but it is always a little beyond our reach. There is a gap where we are now and where we want to be. And usually, we have a lot of learning and experiencing to do before we can close the gap.
You can have your dream, but not the details on how to make it come true. You can make plans, and some plan is better than no plan, but these are only based on what you now know. As you move toward what you are seeking, new knowledge will appear, and you will have to continually revise your plan.
Discomfort is inevitable. Everything in you is calling you to go back to the way things were, even if they were not that good anyway. "Better the devil that you know," you mutter under your breath, "then the one that you don't know." But these are always false assumptions.
The reason you need to grow is because your life is not really that comfortable. There is something missing in it. What you take to be comfortable is only what is familiar, but it is not what you need at the moment.
Here are some examples:
Staying at home is comfortable; going to a place to work is uncomfortable. Yet unless you make money, you will lose your home.
Staying at your current weight is comfortable; going to a gym and following a strict diet is uncomfortable. Yet unless you lose excess weight, your health will get worse.
Staying single is comfortable; meeting and dating new people is uncomfortable. Yet unless you find a companion, you will continue to feel shy and lonely.
Outside our comfort zone is something that we need to make us more of who we want to be. There is something we need out there that will help us be successful.
We can, of course, refuse to step outside of our comfort zone, preferring to cope with the limitations within its borders. We can opt for contraction rather than expansion, for stagnation rather than growth.
Sometimes, through procrastination, we appear to be doing something about our goals, but, in fact, it is the same thing as complete inaction.
Unless you are willing to face your comfort zone, you will fail to reach your goals, and your power to make positive, life-affirming and expanding decisions will also start to atrophy.
Unfortunately, most people choose to honor their comfort zones, and in the process lose out on the opportunity to be, do, and have more of what would truly enrich their lives. The few who do respond to challenge in a positive way are those who start to experience levels of success they would never have dreamed was possible.
Stepping outside your comfort zone will teach you more than new social skills; it will also teach you how to orchestrate effective communication skills within you as well.
A Simple Test With Which To Rate Your Mental Health
I want you to rate your own mental health.
Classifying your own mental condition is an almost impossible task, according to experts. But, it is a little easier if you go about it from the positive point of view - mental health rather than mental illness.
With the cooperation of The National Association For Mental Health, I have prepared a survey which could be of help to you in deciding whether or not you need help.
Your Feelings about Yourself: Yes / No
1. Do you get honest satisfaction from simple pleasures?
2. Do you have respect for yourself?
3. Can you take disappointment in stride?
4. Can you laugh at your own errors?
5. Do you feel capable of dealing with situations as they come your way?
6. Can you accept displays of your own emotions - fear, anger, jealousy, guilt, worry?
Your Feelings about Others: Yes / No
1. Do you have personal relationships that are satisfying and lasting?
2. Do you trust others and assume that others will trust you?
3. Do you respect people who differ from you?
4. Do you refuse to be pushed around and refuse satisfaction from it?
5. Can you feel you are a part of a group?
6. Are you able to love somebody?
Your Feelings about Life: Yes / No
1. Do you accept as much responsibility as comes your way?
2. Do you plan ahead without fear of the future?
3. Do you welcome new ideas and experiences?
4. Do you put your best effort into what you do and get satisfaction from it?
5. Do you make your own decisions?
6. Do you deal with your problems as they arise?
7. Do you shape your environment whenever possible and adjust to it whenever necessary?
8. Do you set realistic goals for yourself?
9. Do you feel you are making use of your natural capacities?
If you score a perfect mark - you can assume that you are the lucky possessor of a balanced personality, a mentally healthy one. Just a few NO's may be regarded as normal. But if too many of your answers are NO - five or more - the chances are that some degree of help is needed. More help than a simple book can give you.
Persons who feel that self analysis is not enough, should contact their local branch of The National Association For Mental Health for information as to where help is available. Other places which may be contacted for information are: the state affiliate of the American Psychiatric Association, family service agencies, state or county health departments, your own general practitioner.
You may also find that there is available in your community one of the growing number of mental health clinics.
Classifying your own mental condition is an almost impossible task, according to experts. But, it is a little easier if you go about it from the positive point of view - mental health rather than mental illness.
With the cooperation of The National Association For Mental Health, I have prepared a survey which could be of help to you in deciding whether or not you need help.
Your Feelings about Yourself: Yes / No
1. Do you get honest satisfaction from simple pleasures?
2. Do you have respect for yourself?
3. Can you take disappointment in stride?
4. Can you laugh at your own errors?
5. Do you feel capable of dealing with situations as they come your way?
6. Can you accept displays of your own emotions - fear, anger, jealousy, guilt, worry?
Your Feelings about Others: Yes / No
1. Do you have personal relationships that are satisfying and lasting?
2. Do you trust others and assume that others will trust you?
3. Do you respect people who differ from you?
4. Do you refuse to be pushed around and refuse satisfaction from it?
5. Can you feel you are a part of a group?
6. Are you able to love somebody?
Your Feelings about Life: Yes / No
1. Do you accept as much responsibility as comes your way?
2. Do you plan ahead without fear of the future?
3. Do you welcome new ideas and experiences?
4. Do you put your best effort into what you do and get satisfaction from it?
5. Do you make your own decisions?
6. Do you deal with your problems as they arise?
7. Do you shape your environment whenever possible and adjust to it whenever necessary?
8. Do you set realistic goals for yourself?
9. Do you feel you are making use of your natural capacities?
If you score a perfect mark - you can assume that you are the lucky possessor of a balanced personality, a mentally healthy one. Just a few NO's may be regarded as normal. But if too many of your answers are NO - five or more - the chances are that some degree of help is needed. More help than a simple book can give you.
Persons who feel that self analysis is not enough, should contact their local branch of The National Association For Mental Health for information as to where help is available. Other places which may be contacted for information are: the state affiliate of the American Psychiatric Association, family service agencies, state or county health departments, your own general practitioner.
You may also find that there is available in your community one of the growing number of mental health clinics.
How Do I Gain Confidence?
As a personal development coach, a question that comes my way nearly every day is, "how do I gain confidence." I'm sometimes surprised at the crazy notions people can have regarding "what it takes" to become a confident person. Some even produce a laundry list of things they believe they must do, achieve and overcome in order to gain confidence.
When this happens, my primary job shifts from coach to "bubble buster." Here's why:
Building confidence is a process, but it does not have to take ages. Well-meaning "experts" will often tell you the opposite: "there are no shortcuts to building confidence-it takes a long time, and lots of hard work, yada, yada, yada..."
Allow me to strongly disagree. Confidence is not something you gain because you have finally earned your own respect. Not at all! Confidence comes from the realization that you don't have to do anything to be worthy of your respect. This realization can take you 5 minutes or five years; it's entirely up to you.
The fact is, you are worthy of every bit of respect and acceptance you can muster simply because you exist. Nature is awesome and filled with infinite possibility; therefore YOU are awesome and filled with infinite possibility-end of story.
I am aware that there is a very misguided notion throughout the world that insists that humans have value only if they achieve something that others in their culture deem "worthy."
I'm also aware that this paradigm is pure self-destructive nonsense.
But that wasn't always the case. For much of my life I accepted the reigning paradigms of pettiness and self-loathing that are so prevalent in society (see any of the so-called "reality" TV shows for verification). I only gained personal and financial freedom after I began to see through some of the disinformation that pollutes our collective consciousness, and decided that "I" had tremendous value simply because I was here-no matter what I did, said or achieved (of all the nerve!).
When an individual 'wakes up" and begins seeing this illogical, competitive paradigm that much of the world operates under for what it is, they become supremely confident. They no longer are bound by achievement or the opinions of others.
Ironically, people who develop this level of self-acceptance often achieve great things. When you are not bound by achievement or competition, your creative mind takes center stage, and you begin creating greatness in your life, instead of pissing around with the "rat race" trying to compete for scraps.
If you want to "work on" building confidence for five years, and you've got that kind of time to waste, that's entirely your call. But it's not necessary. Powerful confidence can developed in a week. I've seen it many times, and there are plenty of tools to help you do it-once you know where to look.
Yes, developing confidence is a process, but no, it doesn't have to take a long time. You don't have to "earn" confidence, like some Boy Scout merit badge. You only have to recognize that you are already worthy of more respect than you could possibly give yourself in ten lifetimes. It's a matter of accepting what is already true: your power, potential and ability are awesome.
When this happens, my primary job shifts from coach to "bubble buster." Here's why:
Building confidence is a process, but it does not have to take ages. Well-meaning "experts" will often tell you the opposite: "there are no shortcuts to building confidence-it takes a long time, and lots of hard work, yada, yada, yada..."
Allow me to strongly disagree. Confidence is not something you gain because you have finally earned your own respect. Not at all! Confidence comes from the realization that you don't have to do anything to be worthy of your respect. This realization can take you 5 minutes or five years; it's entirely up to you.
The fact is, you are worthy of every bit of respect and acceptance you can muster simply because you exist. Nature is awesome and filled with infinite possibility; therefore YOU are awesome and filled with infinite possibility-end of story.
I am aware that there is a very misguided notion throughout the world that insists that humans have value only if they achieve something that others in their culture deem "worthy."
I'm also aware that this paradigm is pure self-destructive nonsense.
But that wasn't always the case. For much of my life I accepted the reigning paradigms of pettiness and self-loathing that are so prevalent in society (see any of the so-called "reality" TV shows for verification). I only gained personal and financial freedom after I began to see through some of the disinformation that pollutes our collective consciousness, and decided that "I" had tremendous value simply because I was here-no matter what I did, said or achieved (of all the nerve!).
When an individual 'wakes up" and begins seeing this illogical, competitive paradigm that much of the world operates under for what it is, they become supremely confident. They no longer are bound by achievement or the opinions of others.
Ironically, people who develop this level of self-acceptance often achieve great things. When you are not bound by achievement or competition, your creative mind takes center stage, and you begin creating greatness in your life, instead of pissing around with the "rat race" trying to compete for scraps.
If you want to "work on" building confidence for five years, and you've got that kind of time to waste, that's entirely your call. But it's not necessary. Powerful confidence can developed in a week. I've seen it many times, and there are plenty of tools to help you do it-once you know where to look.
Yes, developing confidence is a process, but no, it doesn't have to take a long time. You don't have to "earn" confidence, like some Boy Scout merit badge. You only have to recognize that you are already worthy of more respect than you could possibly give yourself in ten lifetimes. It's a matter of accepting what is already true: your power, potential and ability are awesome.
The Law of Attraction: Is Action Required?
As a Law of Attraction coach, I'm often asked: "Do I need to take action to attract what I desire into my life? And if so, what is the role of action in the process of creating my life?"
The concept of "taking action" is a big stumbling block for many people trying to using the Law of Attraction, and I too have struggled with this from time to time. I believe the definitive answer to these questions can be found in Wallace Wattle's classic book from 1906, "The Science of Getting Rich."
Wattles believed that the "advancing person" needed to conduct their affairs in what he termed, "The Certain Way" in order to manifest their desires. This "Certain Way" involved taking efficient action for the betterment of all mankind, not just the individual. It also required acting with a hard-nosed faith that what you are seeking is also seeking you. In other words, you must act from a mindset of faith, and never from a mindset of lack or limitation.
A basic overview of Wallace's points:
1. Your action can never be to take what you want from another. The desire for "more life" is inherent in all of nature, and your actions should reflect this truth. To this end, competition is strictly forbidden. You never compete with another for what you want, but instead, create abundance in your life, by acting with faith and purpose.
2. You must give the "impression of increase" in all your actions and dealing with others. The means that you must display an attitude of abundance, that you are increasing your lot in life, and give this impression to all. It is not necessary to do this with words-your strongly held faith in your advancement will clearly shine through.
3. You must never do tomorrow's work today or feel that you must rush or struggle in any way. Doing so will bring you into a mindset of lack and limitation (rushing assumes a lack of time, for example). Assume that the universe is friendly to your plans (it is!), and that no rush or struggle is ever necessary (it's not).
4. Success breeds success, while failure only breeds failure. It is critical that any action you take is a "successful action." It does not matter how difficult or easy the task is, what is important is that you do it in a perfectly successful way. Even trivial tasks, like washing the dishes, need to be focused upon and completed successfully. These "trivial" successes form a "pattern of success" which will become your standard operating procedure. As Wallace Wattles put it: "When the majority of your actions are successful, you will be successful."
5. Take inspired action. Those intuitive 'nudges" from within are there for a purpose. Learn to act on your impulses and intuitions. Most of the time your gut instincts will be correct. Learn to trust them and act upon them quickly. "Strike while the iron is hot."
6. "Life gives to the givers, and takes from the takers." If you want more in your life, start thinking about how you can give more. The more of yourself you can offer to the world, the more you will be rewarded. "How can I serve?" is a great mantra to have if you want to attract great wealth into your life. Understanding this principle has personally changed my life and my finances incredibly. I highly recommend it.
The concept of "taking action" is a big stumbling block for many people trying to using the Law of Attraction, and I too have struggled with this from time to time. I believe the definitive answer to these questions can be found in Wallace Wattle's classic book from 1906, "The Science of Getting Rich."
Wattles believed that the "advancing person" needed to conduct their affairs in what he termed, "The Certain Way" in order to manifest their desires. This "Certain Way" involved taking efficient action for the betterment of all mankind, not just the individual. It also required acting with a hard-nosed faith that what you are seeking is also seeking you. In other words, you must act from a mindset of faith, and never from a mindset of lack or limitation.
A basic overview of Wallace's points:
1. Your action can never be to take what you want from another. The desire for "more life" is inherent in all of nature, and your actions should reflect this truth. To this end, competition is strictly forbidden. You never compete with another for what you want, but instead, create abundance in your life, by acting with faith and purpose.
2. You must give the "impression of increase" in all your actions and dealing with others. The means that you must display an attitude of abundance, that you are increasing your lot in life, and give this impression to all. It is not necessary to do this with words-your strongly held faith in your advancement will clearly shine through.
3. You must never do tomorrow's work today or feel that you must rush or struggle in any way. Doing so will bring you into a mindset of lack and limitation (rushing assumes a lack of time, for example). Assume that the universe is friendly to your plans (it is!), and that no rush or struggle is ever necessary (it's not).
4. Success breeds success, while failure only breeds failure. It is critical that any action you take is a "successful action." It does not matter how difficult or easy the task is, what is important is that you do it in a perfectly successful way. Even trivial tasks, like washing the dishes, need to be focused upon and completed successfully. These "trivial" successes form a "pattern of success" which will become your standard operating procedure. As Wallace Wattles put it: "When the majority of your actions are successful, you will be successful."
5. Take inspired action. Those intuitive 'nudges" from within are there for a purpose. Learn to act on your impulses and intuitions. Most of the time your gut instincts will be correct. Learn to trust them and act upon them quickly. "Strike while the iron is hot."
6. "Life gives to the givers, and takes from the takers." If you want more in your life, start thinking about how you can give more. The more of yourself you can offer to the world, the more you will be rewarded. "How can I serve?" is a great mantra to have if you want to attract great wealth into your life. Understanding this principle has personally changed my life and my finances incredibly. I highly recommend it.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Uses for Hypnosis: Quit Smoking Today
It is hard to miss the fact that smoking cigarettes is bad for your health. It seems that every time you turn around, another study is published showing another way the nicotine and cigarette smoking will damage your body and lead to disease and even death. You know you should quit smoking, but saying it is so much easier than actually doing it. It isn't like you haven't tried. In fact, you have tried to stop smoking more than once, and a couple of times you actually made it almost a week without reaching for the cigarette pack. But then a stressful situation at work or home will get too big for you to overcome without feeding that nicotine addiction. Is there a solution that will bring you to a healthier level of living? Perhaps the answer lies in hypnosis to quit smoking.
How does Hypnosis Work?
When many of us hear the word hypnosis, we envision a person on-stage, barking like a dog or performing other embarrassing acts to the glee of the audience watching. While this may seem like an entertaining way to pass a couple of hours, true hypnosis that is used in a clinical setting does not remotely resemble these side shows. With hypnosis, a person cannot be convinced to do anything that he didn't want to do in the first place. However, if you have convinced yourself that you need to quit smoking to enjoy a healthier life, you are already on the road to success in using hypnosis to quit smoking. The next step may be to find a qualified hypnotherapist to get the ball rolling for you.
Finding a good hypnotherapist is a key factor in successfully using hypnosis to quit smoking, so make sure that you take the time to find a person who is well-qualified in this field. First, you want a therapist who has at least 200 hours of training. This is a prerequisite for certification of a hypnotherapist. When you begin looking into professionals who have had sufficient training, there are additional questions that you can ask to ensure that this is the right person for you. For example, you can ask how long the person has been practicing hypnotherapy, where he went to school and what professional organizations he belongs to. Once you have found a professional that you are comfortable working with, you are ready to begin your hypnosis to quit smoking.
During your session with your therapist, he will use statements and suggestions to empower and persuade you to follow through with your decision to stop smoking. Although you may find yourself in a trance-like state during the session, you will always be aware of everything going on around you, and you will be able to bring yourself out of the condition whenever you choose. It is also important to note that your hypnotherapist will not be able to convince you to do anything that you don't want to do. This is why it is so important for you to make a personal decision to stop smoking before you try using hypnosis to quit smoking. Once your session is completed, your therapist may send you home with a CD, so that you can continue to practice the exercises on your own.
Hypnosis to quit smoking may not work for everyone, but if you have tried other methods to quit with no avail, perhaps hypnosis is the right choice for you. What have you got to lose? Unhealthy lungs and the potential for illness from your habit. Perhaps the choice seems clear.
How does Hypnosis Work?
When many of us hear the word hypnosis, we envision a person on-stage, barking like a dog or performing other embarrassing acts to the glee of the audience watching. While this may seem like an entertaining way to pass a couple of hours, true hypnosis that is used in a clinical setting does not remotely resemble these side shows. With hypnosis, a person cannot be convinced to do anything that he didn't want to do in the first place. However, if you have convinced yourself that you need to quit smoking to enjoy a healthier life, you are already on the road to success in using hypnosis to quit smoking. The next step may be to find a qualified hypnotherapist to get the ball rolling for you.
Finding a good hypnotherapist is a key factor in successfully using hypnosis to quit smoking, so make sure that you take the time to find a person who is well-qualified in this field. First, you want a therapist who has at least 200 hours of training. This is a prerequisite for certification of a hypnotherapist. When you begin looking into professionals who have had sufficient training, there are additional questions that you can ask to ensure that this is the right person for you. For example, you can ask how long the person has been practicing hypnotherapy, where he went to school and what professional organizations he belongs to. Once you have found a professional that you are comfortable working with, you are ready to begin your hypnosis to quit smoking.
During your session with your therapist, he will use statements and suggestions to empower and persuade you to follow through with your decision to stop smoking. Although you may find yourself in a trance-like state during the session, you will always be aware of everything going on around you, and you will be able to bring yourself out of the condition whenever you choose. It is also important to note that your hypnotherapist will not be able to convince you to do anything that you don't want to do. This is why it is so important for you to make a personal decision to stop smoking before you try using hypnosis to quit smoking. Once your session is completed, your therapist may send you home with a CD, so that you can continue to practice the exercises on your own.
Hypnosis to quit smoking may not work for everyone, but if you have tried other methods to quit with no avail, perhaps hypnosis is the right choice for you. What have you got to lose? Unhealthy lungs and the potential for illness from your habit. Perhaps the choice seems clear.
Cultivating the Faith and Desire to Succeed
Far better it is to dare mighty things To win glorious triumphs even though checkered with failures Than to rank with those poor spirits who neither Enjoy nor suffer much because they live in that gray twilight That Knows Neither. Victory nor Defeat. --Teddy Roosevelt
A burning desire to reach your goals is a factor that sets you apart from one who wishes or is a dreamer. Without desire nothing can be accomplished. It creates the energy necessary to do what is ever needed to achieve success. What is desire?
There is a story of a wise, old sage who lived in the mountains. A youth trying to find the meaning of desire traveled into the mountains to find this wise old sage. Upon finding the old sage the youth asked, Sire, it is said that you can tell the true meaning of desire. Is that possible?
The wise old sage said, Follow me and I will show you the true meaning of desire. The old sage led the youth to a lake.
Follow me, continued the old sage as he waded into the lake followed closely by the youth.
The old sage stopped and turned to the youth and commanded the youth to place his head under the water. The youth did what he was told and placed his head under the water. The old sage placed his hands on the back of the youths head and held it there.
The youth struggled with all his might to lift his head out of the water as his lungs were burning and crying for air. Finally, he was able, with a mighty effort to force his head out of the water and take that precious breath of air.
The old sage then said, Now, when you want something as badly as you wanted that fresh breath of air, you now know, my son, what true desire really is!
Think for a moment about this statement, When you have everything to gain and nothing to lose, by all means try!
Many of us are preoccupied with a search for certainty. Let me give you an analogy to explain what I mean... We travel a busy highway and there were traffic lights along the route. All of us would like nothing betterthan have all green lights so we could get to where we are going very quickly. But that is not the way it works, there undoubtedly are going to be some red lights.
All of our life must be built on faith and belief. We have to make a decision; we must know where we are and understand the values by which we are going to live life. Then we have to take action.
We dont always have to know we are right. We will either live our life by faith and commitment or we live with doubt and fear. Just about all negative attitudes stem from this ugly twosome, fear and doubt. It crops up as worry, self-concern, helplessness and discouragement. Some people like to think you can conquer fear and doubt by positive thinking, but it is not that simple. Were too much in their grasp.
Worry and fear are the same garment - they produce fatigue, they hold us back and they restrain the mind. They are opposite of courage and faith. They affect our total health and they make us miserable.
What is fear? We are born with only two fears: The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The rest are learned. They are nothing more than habits of thoughts or our attitudes. They are faith misplaced.
We get into a dark pit of fear and we dig deeper instead of using our strengths to get out. It is easy to develop the habit of fear and worry. The human mind is more intrigued with the shocking and the bizarre. The awful headlines crying about the demolished car, the mad dog slayer... The newspapers every day are talking crime and violence. We start to verbalize these bad happenings and we are actually programming our subconscious mind and it becomes part of our life.
Fear and doubt are devastating! They rob us and hold us back.
There is a saying that is very powerful. Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, and no one was there.
So the very first thing you must do is have positive faith. Your degree of success may very well be measured by your degree of belief and faith. We must be willing to face rejection and problems with no effect on our positive direction. Faith and belief provide for a foundation for life of achievement and fulfillment.
Live one day at a time. There was a sign on a bridge, Warning 5 ton load limit. That bridge handles hundreds of tons daily, But you see, not all at one time. Almost all fear and worry is something in the future, 90% of which never occurs. Why carry the load? So stop and smell the roses, live one day at a time. Shut off the past, the dead yesterdays and shut off the future, too.
The load of tomorrow added to that of yesterday carried today, makes the strongest falter. That is powerful - let me go over that again...
The future is today. Plan for tomorrow but concentrate on being the best you can possibly be today!
Finally, have a sense of humor. This is one of the least used gifts for handling fear, doubt and problems. It serves as a safety valve. Laugh at your serious situations. John Glenn, the astronaut, just before going into space, was asked what he would do if the retro rockets would fail to ignite? He laughed and replied, It would probably spoil my whole day.
These are things that all of us can do. Start doing them today!
A burning desire to reach your goals is a factor that sets you apart from one who wishes or is a dreamer. Without desire nothing can be accomplished. It creates the energy necessary to do what is ever needed to achieve success. What is desire?
There is a story of a wise, old sage who lived in the mountains. A youth trying to find the meaning of desire traveled into the mountains to find this wise old sage. Upon finding the old sage the youth asked, Sire, it is said that you can tell the true meaning of desire. Is that possible?
The wise old sage said, Follow me and I will show you the true meaning of desire. The old sage led the youth to a lake.
Follow me, continued the old sage as he waded into the lake followed closely by the youth.
The old sage stopped and turned to the youth and commanded the youth to place his head under the water. The youth did what he was told and placed his head under the water. The old sage placed his hands on the back of the youths head and held it there.
The youth struggled with all his might to lift his head out of the water as his lungs were burning and crying for air. Finally, he was able, with a mighty effort to force his head out of the water and take that precious breath of air.
The old sage then said, Now, when you want something as badly as you wanted that fresh breath of air, you now know, my son, what true desire really is!
Think for a moment about this statement, When you have everything to gain and nothing to lose, by all means try!
Many of us are preoccupied with a search for certainty. Let me give you an analogy to explain what I mean... We travel a busy highway and there were traffic lights along the route. All of us would like nothing betterthan have all green lights so we could get to where we are going very quickly. But that is not the way it works, there undoubtedly are going to be some red lights.
All of our life must be built on faith and belief. We have to make a decision; we must know where we are and understand the values by which we are going to live life. Then we have to take action.
We dont always have to know we are right. We will either live our life by faith and commitment or we live with doubt and fear. Just about all negative attitudes stem from this ugly twosome, fear and doubt. It crops up as worry, self-concern, helplessness and discouragement. Some people like to think you can conquer fear and doubt by positive thinking, but it is not that simple. Were too much in their grasp.
Worry and fear are the same garment - they produce fatigue, they hold us back and they restrain the mind. They are opposite of courage and faith. They affect our total health and they make us miserable.
What is fear? We are born with only two fears: The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The rest are learned. They are nothing more than habits of thoughts or our attitudes. They are faith misplaced.
We get into a dark pit of fear and we dig deeper instead of using our strengths to get out. It is easy to develop the habit of fear and worry. The human mind is more intrigued with the shocking and the bizarre. The awful headlines crying about the demolished car, the mad dog slayer... The newspapers every day are talking crime and violence. We start to verbalize these bad happenings and we are actually programming our subconscious mind and it becomes part of our life.
Fear and doubt are devastating! They rob us and hold us back.
There is a saying that is very powerful. Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, and no one was there.
So the very first thing you must do is have positive faith. Your degree of success may very well be measured by your degree of belief and faith. We must be willing to face rejection and problems with no effect on our positive direction. Faith and belief provide for a foundation for life of achievement and fulfillment.
Live one day at a time. There was a sign on a bridge, Warning 5 ton load limit. That bridge handles hundreds of tons daily, But you see, not all at one time. Almost all fear and worry is something in the future, 90% of which never occurs. Why carry the load? So stop and smell the roses, live one day at a time. Shut off the past, the dead yesterdays and shut off the future, too.
The load of tomorrow added to that of yesterday carried today, makes the strongest falter. That is powerful - let me go over that again...
The future is today. Plan for tomorrow but concentrate on being the best you can possibly be today!
Finally, have a sense of humor. This is one of the least used gifts for handling fear, doubt and problems. It serves as a safety valve. Laugh at your serious situations. John Glenn, the astronaut, just before going into space, was asked what he would do if the retro rockets would fail to ignite? He laughed and replied, It would probably spoil my whole day.
These are things that all of us can do. Start doing them today!
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